Merri Taylor - Insights & Outlooks

Adopt A Grandparent

2011-07-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

Aunt Lucille's death had me diving back into pictures and family memories and I realized that I barely knew my grandparents on my dad's side. Grandpa C died when I was 3 years old. I don't even remember him. And Grandma C died when I was 10 or 11. I only have one or two memories of her. Those strawberry, vanilla and chocolate wafer cookies are a part of those memories. That left my grandparents on my mom's side and I was actually kind of uncomfortable around older people as a teenager. I've been racking my brain trying to understand why I didn't immerse myself in those relationships back then. All I can come up with is that I was a stupid teenager. A know-it-all ... or not so know-it-all teenager.   I was shy and soft-spoken and "old people" couldn't hear well. It was hard to have a conversation. Sometimes life is just backwards. By the time I'm old enough to find my voice and am actually drawn -- really drawn -- to elderly people, I don't have any living grandparents. That pretty much sucks. I wouldn't have known back then that I wouldn't have any living grandparents before I reached the age of 30.

I signed up for a Random Acts of Kindness meetup group over a year ago that keeps sending me "Adopt a Grandparent" events every couple of months. They meet at a nursing home not far from me where I believe, my dad actually stayed after knee surgery or a hospice stay.   After a year of email invitations to join, I have yet to participate. What am I afraid of? I finally feel like I can have a conversation with "old people." Something is holding me back. I think I'm afraid of getting attached. I'm being selfish because I don't want to hurt any more. If I live long enough to be moved to assisted living or a nursing home, who is going to visit me? Will I feel alone? If family isn't nearby and I'm not getting daily or weekly visits, of course I would feel alone. And forgotten. And as though my life didn't matter.

I think those are probably common feelings for men and women living what's left of their lives in a nursing home. By looking forward to visitors, they have a reason to keep their light burning. They have a reason to engage and smile and feel like they matter.

Why wouldn't I give that gift to some gentle soul who has given so much during their life? They may have raised a family. They may have fought in a war. They have a story.

I received another reminder today about an Adopt a Grandparent event and I believe they meet next Sunday. I don't know what to expect. I have visions of "The Notebook" and my dad's stay at hospice, and I'm afraid to find out what emotions a real visit will conjure up. But it's not about me. And I really think that it's time that I learn someone's story.   They need to know that they matter.

A Father's Day Fish Story

2011-06-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

When Big Fish came out (2003), Nikki and I went to see it together. The movie touched me profoundly to the point where I was sobbing uncontrollably on the way back to the car. No other movie has had quite the same affect on me before or since. What an odd movie to stick out among others and to grab me by the heart the way that it did. I quickly realized it was because Albert Finney's story-telling character (Ed Bloom) reminded me of my dad. It made me realize that those stories that I had heard all my life would stop someday -- and two years later, in 2005, they did.

Do you ever find yourself rolling your eyes when a parent starts to tell you something that you've heard 100 times? It's strange how we can so easily dismiss those opportunities for connection as an annoyance because we've heard it before. Now I strain to remember even one of dad's stories before they become too distant to grab hold of.

Today is Father's Day and I've been thinking about my dad. Today of all days, as I was flipping through the television channels, a scene immediately caught my attention and I stopped there. There was Albert Finney ... there was Big Fish. I just finished watching it and yes, it grabbed me by the heart again. I miss his stories. I miss my dad.

"A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal." -Will Bloom (Big Fish)

Happy New Year! 1.1.11

2011-01-01T10:25:00.000-08:00

Now this is the way to start a new year ... or new day -- with exuberance!

Wishing you a joy-filled, love-filled, peace-filled, blessing-filled New Year.

Eat, Pray, Love Review (possible spoiler alert)

2010-08-14T16:11:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness, experiencing pleasure, letting go of guilt, wearing a larger size jeans if necessary and believing in love again are some of the messages in this movie. I hadn't read the book, but heard great things about it. When I heard they were making a movie based on the book, and Julia Roberts was in it, I had high expectations. I deliberately didn't read the book at that point because movies often pale in comparison to their source.

I think how a movie is edited sets the tone for the movie. Of course the story line, acting, directing and music all tie in for the complete package. I already expected a great story line because the book was a best seller. So maybe the person who takes a book and turns it into a script and the folks who edit the movie have the most influence on how it connects with the audience. It didn't have a very entertaining "tone" to me. But, I enjoyed it enough. I think it depends on where you are on your journey with life, God, family, friends and love that will decide how you react to the movie. It's great to see Julia in a movie again but I never really felt connected to her character. But because of where I am at on my journey and recent events in my life, much of it was relatable to me. I read reviews about it being void of joy. But, she was healing and grieving the loss of a marriage and immersing herself in new experiences and friendships. The year after a marriage ends typically is void of joy. She used it as an opportunity to grow in other ways and to heal. There was not betrayal in her marriage and she is the one who wanted to leave -- but as was mentioned in the movie, both were left with broken hearts so there was a healing process that needed to happen.

Those of you who know me well, know that I cry at commercials (if they're deserving), yet this movie didn't reach in and grab me and make me cry like it had the potential to do. The only part that got me choked up was when Richard Jenkins' character (Richard from Texas) tells Julia's character (Liz) to "Believe in Love again." If you're happily married, you're not really into these emotional bits, or you've never had the misfortune of being betrayed and having your trust completely shattered, maybe that line is laughable or corny. But it got to me, because I'm closed to the possibility of love again. Men like Javier Bardem's character (Felipe) don't exist and I don't have the energy to trust again. Julia's character hadn't even been betrayed. They just "grew apart". This movie had a lot to do with her forgiving herself. Whereas my journey is about forgiving others. So, it depends on where you find yourself and where you've come from that will determine how much you can relate to scenes in the movie. I don't know how the book was, but the movie didn't really explain why Liz felt so empty and lost her appetite for life. If we were with her on that journey, it might have made us happy for her when she ate and got her figurative appetite back again.

There were a couple of trailer scenes that I don't even remember seeing/hearing in the movie. The "this is my no carb left behind experiment" quote or the scene with her mom where she asks her when she accepted the life that she had. I thought I was paying attention ... were they in there?

The scenery was spectacular! And as one reviewer put it, the whole thing was like the Hunk Olympics: Billy with the bronze; James gets the silver; and Javier – pure gold. Oh, and I think the funniest scene was when they were trying to get into their new jeans.

One thing it had was a lot of great quotes. I've listed some below:

"When a man who looks like Yoda hands you a prophecy you have to respond."
"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."
"You want to get to the castle, you've got to swim the moat."
"Having kids is like getting a tattoo on your face. You have to be committed."
"Dolce far niente." (The sweetness of doing nothing)
"He's in the room with a naked girl. He's won the lottery."
"I'm tired of waking up every day and recalling every single thing that I ate the day before. Counting every calorie I consumed so I know exactly how much self-loathing to take into the shower."
"God dwells in us, as us."
"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life."
"You don't need a man. You need a champion."
"All American girls want is pasta and sausage!”
"Believe in Love again."

31 Days of Experiencing New Things - July Wrap Up

2010-08-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

While we're well into August's 31 Day project (Laughter), July was 31 Days of Experiencing New Things and I wanted to do this wrap-up for July before too much more time passed.

July's project made me aware of how many little things I have never tried or haven't seen/done/visited/experienced in a very long time. I quickly realized that there were things I could easily do right here at home or within driving distance. I also realized that 31 Days would give me a taste of looking for new experiences, but as I built my list of things I wanted to do, it would take much longer than one month to look into them all. That's good -- I never want to run out of new experiences and things to do. Some things cost money and had to be tabled for awhile, other things I wanted to wait and share with a friend to have the experience with me, while yet others simply didn't get done because the month rushed by so incredibly fast.

I have the beginnings of a "bucket list" which are larger desires that I want to accomplish in my lifetime (see the Aurora Borealis in person, go to New Zealand, etc.), but for new experiences that were left overflowing beyond the month of July, I thought I'd end this particular project with a list of new experiences yet to happen. This is a "brain dump" where I can capture these desired experiences in one place and pull from them when I have time. I hope to continue the trend of finding something new on a daily or weekly basis. This is a bucket list on a much smaller scale, so I should be able to continue to experience these things in abundance.

Write a book (even an eBook), get published
Ride in a hot air balloon
Attend more balloon festivals
Attend a kite festival
Get my photography placed in several art galleries or stores.
Take Irish dancing lessons
Participate in a geo-caching treasure hunt
Learn how to parallel park
Organize a flash mob
Fly a kite (or even better "Kite Skateboarding")
Go bowling (it has been years!)
Try fried green tomatoes
Attend a professional photography camp (they're field trips to places like Arches National Park or places where you camp out under the stars and learn to take pictures in all times of the day -- dusk, dawn, night stars and comets, etc. with a professional photographer)
Go to a wildlife park for photographers like my friend Lori has visited. I think they're in Alaska or Canada, but you are in a park with wolves, bears and maybe even Polar Bears. You should have a great zoom lens, but you're actually in the park with these animals, and there's not a fence between you and them.
Take a road trip by myself to explore Colorado or go to Phoenix or Reno to visit my daughter or sister.
Visit places I've been wanting to see like Moab Arches National Park, San Antonio TX Riverwalk and Mono Lake and Bodie Ghost Town. There are several places here in Colorado I haven't been to (Telluride, Marble, Pagosa Springs, Durango)
Go camping (I haven't been since I was a teenager).
Revisit places that I would love as an adult but took for granted as a teenager (Yellowstone, Yosemite, Grand Canyon, Lake Powell, Petrified Forrest).
Hula Hoop (well)
Learn to Hula Dance (well)
Relive childhood foods like pop rocks, juicy fruit gum, space sticks, wax bottles with juice in them, candy necklaces and Pez. Also, my dad brought home rice candy from Japan when I was a kid and it melted in your mouth. I haven't seen / tasted it since I was very young.
Take singing lessons
Take voice over coaching
Grow a vegetable garden
Give a speech, or teach a workshop
Host a webinar / teleseminar
Go rafting (not white water rapids, but a leisurely float trip like they have in Glenwood Springs)
Spend the night and/or take a workshop at Glen Eyre Castle in Colorado Springs
Volunteer at a nursing home (like adopt a grandparent)
Participate in laser tag and paintball
Watch a successful hypnosis session, like my daughter saw in High School Psychology class. Supposedly the people who were hypnotized clucked like chickens and other things that they didn't remember. Watch participants that have nothing to do with the hypnotist so I know it's not a set up.
Take cooking classes
Have some professional photos done at a place like Glamor Shots (but more professional, not tacky, if a place exists where you're pampered all day with spa treatments, hair, make-up and wardrobe and then put in appropriate indoor/outdoor scenes for photos. Classy, not tacky).
Attend an opera.
Learn calligraphy
Find better places to view the sunset
Take flower arranging course
Learn candle making
Learn glass blowing
Learn stained glass making
Have a slumber party. Yes, I know I'm 45... and yes, I said a slumber party. How fun would that be?!
Learn cake decorating (and though I haven't seen either, I imagine shows like Ace of Cakes or Cake Boss probably have what I'm talking about; beautiful, tiered cakes).
Go skinny dipping
Take the Royal Gorge train and tram
Ride a zip line
Be an extra on a movie set
Go see the Iris Farm on the West side of Denver when it's open / in season
Have a retreat at The Hideaway located between Colorado Springs and Castle Rock
Revisit places that I experienced with Chris either by myself or with a friend so I can replace the memory and association with a new one. With several better memories.
Spend a short get-away a the Cheyenne Mountain Resort in Colo. Springs.
Find my way out of a corn or hedge maze
Save some starfish (which would mean I'd have to be on an ocean beach, which I'm yearning for)
Ride a roller coaster. I've ridden Lakeside's Chipmunk (hated it) and Elitch's old wooden one (hated it) and Nikki swears to me that the new roller coasters "are fun" and "smooth." If I can hold Rosie the tarantula, maybe I can go on the roller coaster with loops where your feet hang down. I'm putting it on the list but I reserve the right to remove it at any time! :)
Go on a scavenger hunt. I think Denver has a large, organized one.
Go to Color Me Mine or another pottery place to paint and glaze my own piece of pottery. Even better, take a pottery class where I form the item from clay that I end up painting.
Speaking of painting, Canvas and Cocktails was so fun. I'd love more painting. I think I have a hidden artist wanting to emerge. ;o) More opportunities to paint / learn to paint. Painting and wine is even better.
Find and explore more ghost towns.
Stay at Glen Eyre Castle
Stay at the Redstone Castle
Stay at the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park (but not in a "haunted" room)
Discover new hiking trails (there are several I'm trying to get to while the wildflowers are still in bloom).
Ride gondola up Vail Mountain in summer or fall for views (friend says they give you a drink coupon for restaurant at the top)
Ride SkyRide at Cheyenne Mtn. Zoo
Take Estes Park aerial tramway up Prospect Mtn.
Try AquaGolf
Film on the Rocks at Red Rocks and/or free movies in the Park (Parker has them)
Visit and see inside of all of these Denver cathedrals http://www.denvermagazine.com/core/pagetools.php?pageid=13750&url=/August-2010/Uplifting-Architecture/&mode=print

Try the indoor skydiving in Park Meadows
Visit Colorado's oldest carousel in Burlington, Co. It's supposed to be 100 years old or more and is restored and fully operational. They have The Brulington Carousel Festival every September -- maybe I can go see it then.
Viewing of the bats near Orient Mine. I have to hurry on this one because the news said they're here through August. But it's a far enough drive that I'd have to spend the night and I think it's close enough to the Great Sand Dunes that I would need make time to stop there too (and the Gator Farm is near Alamosa so I'd have to go there too. And then, it might be close enough to try the Salida Zip Line). You watch from a viewing area while hundreds of bats come out at dusk to feed and it's supposed to be quite a site. http://www.olt.org/programs/bats/bats.htm; http://www.9news.com/rss/article.aspx?storyid=143802
Get great lightening pictures
Find Crystal Mill, CO and get my own pictures of the well-photographed mill.
Make a list of the various arts festivals, balloon festivals, jazz festivals and try to attend several of them.
Be a vendor at an arts festival for my photography and maybe jewelry or other crafts by then.
Attend a concert or event at Hudson Gardens
Visit The Wildlife Experience at C-470 and Lincoln
Visit the Wild Animal Santuary in Hudson, CO
Visit the Wolf Sanctuary in Colorado (I think there are a couple them, one in Divide, CO and this one http://www.komar.org/faq/travel/vacation/colorado/mission-wolf/ -- I can't believe they are petting the wolves!)
Go see Bishop's Castle in S. Colorado. That's one crazy castle http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/06211/709125-37.stm
Try Karaoke. Maybe. Like the roller coaster, I reserve the right to change my mind on this one.
Ride down a mountain slide like the Alpine Slide at Heritage Square or the new one in Glenwood Springs.
Take the Coors Brewery tour. I've lived here my entire life and my dad worked for Coors but I've never taken the tour.
Go to a nearby reservoir and sit by the lake with my feet in the sand.
Leave the house to do my work. Go to Village Inn or Panera Bread, someplace with WiFi, where I can sit with a cup of coffee or have lunch while I work remotely.
Actually growing my nails and *keeping* them polished and maintained would be a new experience. I love the look of freshly manicured hands but am too much of a Tom Boy to keep mine that way.
Have my legs waxed or face threaded. Another 'maybe' that might be dropped off the list. Some spa treatment that I've never had done would be good.
Stay at one of those tropical places where the swimming pool has a waterfall that you can swim under (and an in-pool bar).
Find waterfalls that I can photograph and hike to.
Learn basic yoga.
Attract humming birds for up close photography.
Experience vendors on Denver 7's A-List http://kmgh.cityvoter.com/contests/denver-s-7-a-list/4773/overview?utm_source=KMGH&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=vote
Even though the owners of the Daffodil Farm in Running Springs, CA have retired and the gardens are no longer open to visitors, a friend who lives near there said you can still see the flowers from a neighboring church. So, if I'm ever near Running Springs in March-May, I might have to stop by for a peek. Also, I just found this homestead called Daffodil Hill in Sutter Creek, CA http://www.ci.sutter-creek.ca.us/daffodilhill.html
Visit a vineyard.
Learn how to do serigraphs like Gene Bauer (The Daffodil lady) has compiled in her book. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700013948/Forever-blooming-Amazing-daffodil-garden-is-closed-but-her-serigraphs-are-alive-in-a-new-book.html
Visit Rock Ledge Ranch near Garden of the Gods
See a firefly / lightening bug in person (I've never seen one!).

That will keep me busy for awhile, huh? I may come back and add to the list as I hear about things. Also there are some things I wanted to experience that I can now move to the "Done" list below.

Attend a PHAMALy production (doing this later in August - I'll be attending PHAMALy's production of Beauty and the Beast)
Attend Scriprov, friend Meagan is in.
Attend Brew at the Zoo (doing this in September)
Canvas and Cocktails
Garden of the Gods
Free concerts at Southlands and other area concerts in the park
Butterfly Pavilion (held Rosie the tarantula and stayed as long as I needed to for butterfly pictures)
St. Malo, church on the rock, Allenspark, CO http://www.flickr.com/photos/tabzero/2904606823/
Discovered what the bell ringing was by Seven Falls / Cheyenne Canyon Inn. It was coming from the Will Rogers Shrine
Glenwood Springs Iron Mountain Tram
Partner with my first client as a VA (Yay!)

Proverbs 19:8

2010-07-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

Do you ever read a sentence or a verse that jumps off the page at you, grabs you by the collar, and says "pay attention -- there's a reason you landed on this page today?"

The below bible verse (Proverbs 19:8) has slightly different wording depending on the translation, but the meaning remains consistent. The verse struck me today because wisdom is for our good and well-being, but wisdom can initially be painful. I've experienced the world-shaking kind of changes that came once I prayed for wisdom, pulled my ostrich head out of the sand, looked around and saw the truth. Gaining wisdom truly opens our eyes to things that may initially be painful (there's a reason our eyes were closed to them in the first place), but the work (and thus healing) can't begin until wisdom is sought.

This verse also hit me today because it talks about gaining wisdom and keeping understanding. Every painful event in our lives has a lesson that must be learned or we're bound to repeat our part of what put us there. So there's a difference between obtaining and keeping something. My hope and my goal is to not waste valuable time relearning the same lessons - a lesson gained should be a lesson remembered.

He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers.

-Proverbs 19:8 New International Version

He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; He who keeps understanding will find good.

-Proverbs 19:8 New American Standard Version

He that getteth wisdom loveth his own soul: he that keepeth understanding shall find good.

-Proverbs 19:8 King James Version

31 Days of Experiencing New Things - Day 24

2010-07-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

While I've been posting my new things on Facebook, when I feel I have more to say I think it's appropriate to use the space here in my personal blog to share what I'm experiencing.

I can come up with 3 new things today:

1. I went to my friend Nicole's 30th birthday party. It's new in the sense that while I love my friend and want to be there for her any way that I can, I'm not really comfortable in crowds like at parties, especially walking into one alone. I go to movies alone all the time now, but social events / parties make me want to crawl out of my skin. It's not all crowds because the Southlands concert was crowded, but you could break away and walk along the shops and still hear the music. But, it's plain silly to not show up for a friend's party because of some mild discomfort and since my "One Word" this year is "Face," that means to stretch myself, jump in and face fears as well. Typing this, I realize how ridiculous that might sound -- face fears to go to a birthday party? Okay, it's not a huge fear that will throw me into a panic attack if I know there will be familiar faces that I can talk to one at a time, but parties only come easy to me if I'm the one hosting the party. Then I'm busy and occupied and more worried about making sure everyone else feels comfortable, fed and welcomed than I am about myself.

Being vulnerably authentic here, the other reason walking into a party these days is so uncomfortable for me is that I was 30 lbs. lighter the last time I saw the people I expected to see there; and the whole feeling of being seen isn't a comfortable one right now. See my heart, see my light, see my skills, see my desire, see my determination, see my intelligence, see my love, but let me hide my physical body behind the phone or an email, okay? :) Because of these 31 Days Projects, I haven't let my discomfort stop me from getting out and experiencing things, but some venues are easier than others.

I turn 45 in three days and I look in the mirror to see someone who, through life's experiences (both tragedies and good times) has somehow allowed herself to become 65-70 lbs. overweight. How I wish I was one of those people who didn't eat when they were stressed -- I'd be Twiggy by now. Alas, no -- I'm apparently an emotional eater ... or I don't eat all day, then eat the wrong things. However it came to be, through the loss of a daughter, quitting smoking, losing my dad, a marriage where we both loved to eat out a lot, a job loss and now a divorce, this is where I am physically. In the past nine months, even if I walked and ate salads the pounds still crept up. So I feel like people who see me must think that I eat all day when I don't. I hear that stress produces cortisone/cortisole which contributes to weight, especially around the middle. In August of 2009 I discovered and opened a Pandora's box that revealed my husband's lies and addictions. A Pandora's box that once opened, exposed a tidal wave of lies, deceit, and betrayal. Okay, so no one can argue that I've come through and am still currently in the middle of some stress. I'm not unique in that -- everyone has a story -- everyone has stress. But while I feel I am healing, moving forward and managing the stress fairly well, my body is handling it poorly.

So, to make a change I decided I had to shake things up and try something I hadn't tried before. So, you've heard of a food diary? I've decided to do a food photo journal. Before any food or drink goes in my mouth, I have to take a picture of it. Not every bite, just the bowl of fruit or plate of dinner. Then at the end of the day when I'm logging my progress I upload the photos to a private blog that will visually show me what I've consumed. And if one beer turns into three, I'll have three pictures of beer. If a handful of almonds becomes multiple trips, I'll see that too. Today at Nicole's birthday BBQ, I broke out the camera and took a picture of my food. If I'm going to do this, I have to do it wherever I'm eating. What will also be new is the idea of eating more often which seems counter intuitive to losing weight. But maybe I'll turn this metabolism around by eating a fiber bar or almonds or cheese stick (small things) every couple of hours. If I ever show this body that I am the boss of it, that will be a new experience.

2. Speaking of "Being Seen," I need to get out and network for my Virtual Assistance business. So, though they don't meet until August 2nd, today I RSVP'd to the Colorado Christian Small Business Women's Mastermind Group. I've never met with a Mastermind Group before, I hope this one has a good turn out.

3. On the way home from Nicole's (she only lives like a mile or two from me), I looked to the east to see a beautiful full moon and to the west to see another awesome sunset. I decided to stop at the corner shopping center to get some pictures. While taking snaps of the moon, something caught my peripheral vision to the right. Was it an airplane? My eyes were failing me and I couldn't tell -- it was moving like a floating bicycle built for two. An airborne contraption that people can peddle? I had no idea what I was taking pictures of until I got home and saw them on my computer. A big group of balloons that floated off into the sunset. If I had a professional zoom lens, these could have been some really cool pictures.

31 Days of Experiencing New Things - Day 13

2010-07-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

About two months ago on May 14th I started looking for old classmates on Facebook. I found someone who still lived in my hometown that was a possible match of a person I went to elementary school with and I reached out with a quick hello to see if he was the same person that I knew way back when. It didn't look like he was very active on Facebook, with 23 friends and no posts (just the typical set up stuff for people new to Facebook), so I wasn't sure if he'd see it or if I'd get a reply or if it was even the person I knew. I sent the quick hello and forgot about it.

Today, I got the following message back through Facebook: "Yep, thats me"

He's married with 2 daughters and was in the Army for 23 years after college (according to his info. tab). I found myself wondering what happened to all those kids that I still remember from elementary school. I've stayed in touch with one good high school buddy and really don't have the same curiosity about what happened to most of my other high school alumni, as I have for my elementary school chums. We were all so 'innocent' then, with so much life still ahead of us ...so much possibility. We didn't have a clue who we'd marry, who we'd lose, who would hurt us, how we'd earn a living, what tragedies may fall upon us ... and I don't think we cared. "When's lunch?" and "when's recess" were about the extent of our worries.

So I went digging for pictures and I found 4th and 5th grades. To get communication (albeit, brief) from someone I haven't seen for 34 years is an incredibly new experience. And I haven't pulled out these photos in such a very long time. Yet, as bad as I am with names, I can look at most of these classmates and name every one of them. I must have been paying more attention back then ... or somethin'. I didn't tell this person that I actually still have in an old coin purse somewhere the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo Lion token that he gave me 35 years ago. Today, I got my new experience by revisiting the old.

31 Days of Experiencing New Things - Day 12

2010-07-12T21:29:00.000-07:00

You know how the grocery store often has a recipe card tree usually in their produce department? Usually I just see recipes for banana smoothies near the bananas or banana flavoring, but while shopping yesterday I came across a display rack full of cards for great recipes and today I made a new salad. I don't think I've ever made a salad that included a pear before, but this was a pear/cranberry salad. I added my own touch by throwing in some avocado and unsalted sunflower seeds. It was soooo yummy! While describing the salad to my daughter and mentioning that you wouldn't think the avocado and pear would go together, she mentioned that a favorite dish at a restaurant in Phoenix is hamburger with peanut butter. Now there would be another new taste experience. Apparently it's really good!

Then tonight, my daughter and I called each other on Skype so she could watch me open my birthday present early. It had to be early because she's sending me and my friend, Jennifer, to Canvas and Cocktails this weekend! I'm so excited. I've wanted to go there ever since I saw a great report about it on the news. Here's a picture of what we'll be painting while sipping on wine.

Fun, fun, fun!!

30 Days of Deepening Friendships - Day 30

2010-06-30T22:59:00.000-07:00

Today was a mixed bag. Current dealings with various business entities all turned out to be disappointments, so I got out of the house for a movie and saw Eclipse. A year ago, I may have seen a movie once every month or two. These days I go at least once a week because if I refrain from eating/drinking, the tickets at the Movie Tavern are just $6 bucks and it has become my escape. As I build a life intent on working from home, I find I need to intentionally get out of the house so I don't turn into some kind of recluse. ;o)

Well, in addition to an awesome 30DODF salon call to wrap up the month, when I returned from the movie I picked up my mail to find a gift from my dear friend Robyn (she lets me call her G-ma). G-ma sent me a Movie Tavern gift card! She sent it 'just because' (because she's AWESOME). We haven't met in person, yet she's learned about me through my posts and knows me. This is the same wonderful person who sent me a Zena Moon candle for my home office when I was laid off from my job in February. A friend who pays attention to little comments to get to know you is a treasure. I, of course feel horrible because my extent of paying attention was to think every time she posted something about living in SD, she was talking about South Dakota (she lives in San Diego). I was wondering why on days when Robyn would talk about earthquakes that I didn't see anything in the news about South Dakota having an earthquake. LOL! Oh, my. I finally 'got it.' And my intention is to be a friend who pays attention.

Anyway, thank you my dear friend - I'm so glad you're in my life and what an awesome thing to have happen on the final day of the Deepening Friendships project.

This has been an incredible month that has made me realize that this has been an amazing year in terms of the friendships that have been made. I've barely scratched the surface in deepening friendships because it takes time to learn about and be there for a friend. The more time I spend and the more interested I am in others, the more the friendships are deepened. So this month was a springboard to getting to know several people better than I did when the month began, and the ending of the project is not an ending to my commitment to continue to reach out and be a friend. This month also made me aware that through life's challenges, friends make everything so much more bearable and when I think life's burdens have me too depleted or busy to talk on the phone, I need to remember that I can't afford not to take that time to reach out. Friends provide a fresh perspective, support and unconditional love. I need that and can never allow myself to do without that again, nor isolate myself so that I'm not there for others. This month also made me realize that 30 days isn't enough time to touch on and deepen all the friendships that I would have liked. There are a couple of friendships that I've neglected ... so this will be an ongoing effort.

Thank you to everyone who continues to show up for me through calls, emails, cards, BBQ invites, Facebook comments (and gifts!). :) I'm so very grateful and I promise to show up for you in whatever capacity I can. If I've failed to show up for you when you needed me, I'm so sorry. Please let me know so I can share my perspective or be a better friend. If I didn't interact with you this month, let's touch base in July and give each other the gift of an unhurried presence -- the gift of a deepened friendship.

Doing a Happy Dance for the Ellen DeGeneres Show?

2010-06-26T09:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, I guess I am feeling a little 'out of the box' today and submitted an idea to the Ellen DeGeneres Show. I know, I know ... the show's producers probably receive hundreds, if not thousands of emails per day and the chances of the email being viewed, let alone selected are remote. But, you miss 100% of the shots that you do not take, so I'm thinking "what if...?"

Anyway, here's the idea that I put in front of the Ellen show:

This isn't necessarily a game but a segment or contest possibly. It's perfect for the Ellen show because this combines her love of dance, with comedy and the video of the day segment. Lately, on Facebook, when I post good news, friends will say that they're doing a "Happy Dance" for me. I started wondering what a Happy Dance is supposed to look like. Do you just look happy, and then dance? Do you cheer, jump, roll, bounce? I figured the Happy Dance is as unique as those doing the dancing and think Ellen should have a "Show Us YOUR Happy Dance" segment where people can send or post videos with their Happy Dance.

Keep on Dancing (and stay happy)!

So, to my friends Stacy and Beatrice ... hang on to any videos taken at Homecoming this year. You might be able to post / send them to the Ellen show. ;o)

30 Days of Deepening Friendships - Day 7

2010-06-07T23:17:00.001-07:00

Okay, why does everything happen in one day? I need to spread this out. Today I had an amazing, deep, engaging and personal conversation with Antonette Lewis Artiz. I so look forward to our next discussion!

Then, the only high school friend that I've managed to stay in contact with, who lives in Durango CO, emailed me that she'll be in Denver for a conference the end of this month and wants to see me. I haven't seen her since 1993 when she had her first child (a daughter) shortly after my Lindsey's life had been taken.

Then, a recent friend emailed me a very appropriate email about endurance through the race that has been set for us.

Then a former co-worker with a common interest in digital photography emailed me tonight about getting together for a day in the mountains in July.

I seriously can't use being busy as an excuse to not connect with people. That has typically been my modus operandi and I'm learning that it doesn't matter how introverted or busy I think I am ... I need friends in my life. Even through the turmoil of divorce, betrayal and joblessness, friends still manage to help me feel blessed. They are a gift. Each unique and helping me in very different ways. Each are here to show me that they've been through hard times and can relate, or to make me laugh, or to inspire me, or to make sure that I don't allow myself to give up on life ... or on myself, to make sure my motives are pure as I work toward healing, to make sure I know that I'm not alone -- even if I try to retreat from life or hide away. Each serves such a vital purpose and I'm grateful. Once I shake off the stuff that has dragged me down and kept me focused on myself - I truly hope that I'm able to make a positive difference in their lives, as they have mine.

31 Days of Fun: Day 8

2010-05-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

You may have read my past blog posts about a month of thanks in November and a month of "clearning" (no that's not a typo) in March -- and the fun continues with "31 Days of Fun" during this month of May. My daily "fun" comments so far have fit in a Facebook status update, but today had a plethora of fun moments ... and comes with pictures ... so I will document it here.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day but I celebrated with my mom today so we could also coordinate a visit with my brother. Since mom can't drive very far due to glaucoma, I usually try to help her run errands when I visit. We started with Jo-Ann's fabrics where I had fun snapping pictures of some adorable metal yard critters. :) I also bought myself a Mother's Day gift (it was 50% off!) -- my first hummingbird feeder. I need to find the recipe for the sugar water and hang it outside tomorrow. I do hope it attracts hummingbirds!

Then we went to lunch at the Archive, a new restaurant in Olde Town Arvada where we each had fish and chips. I love trying a new restaurant!

Then we swung by to see my brother Chip. During the visit, we ended up looking at some old and new photographs of him. I was floored at how he has changed since 1991 and had fun taking pictures of his pictures so I could share them. Below is a picture from 1991, then 1993 and then current day.

Then it was off to Echter's nursery where mom used her Groupon and I got to do one of my favorite things -- take pictures of flowers. :)

Then it was back home to open her Mother's Day gifts, and dinner at an Italian restaurant where we both had sausage cannoli and finished the evening off with yummy Spumoni. Soooo good. This restaurant is hidden away in a tiny strip mall, has been there forever, and neither of us had ever eaten there. Mom said people call into the restaurant show and rave about their pizza. So, I experienced two new restaurants in one day.

Once back home (poor doggies ... I was gone for 11 1/2 hours), I read an email from a new friend, excited about a testimonial he received. I'm so glad he thought of me to share his good news.

And now, the pièce de résistance... I'm watching Bette White host Saturday Night Live. FUN day!

It's not too late to join in on making a conscious choice to weave in some fun into each and every day. Please feel free to share your fun moments here. Or go to 31 Days of Fun to start logging your own experiences. Have fun!

I Need To Get Over Myself

2010-05-08T07:23:00.000-07:00

I'm celebrating Mother's Day with mom today instead of tomorrow, so I've been debating about joining in on a Random Acts of Kindness Meetup Group Event tomorrow. It's "Adopt a Grandparent" on Mother's Day at a nursing home in Aurora. I don't know why, but I've been too nervous to join activities in the past. Probably because it's something new and I don't know how I will fit in or be able to contribute once I show up.

Today's Our Daily Bread ended with a quote from Shakespeare: "They truly love who show their love."

I should just RSVP and then I'll be committed. I couldn't imagine being alone in a nursing home on any holiday where love is being showered upon others "out there" in the world. Despite *wanting* to do something for elderly people, something has held me back. If I focus on others' needs then maybe it's easier to 'get over myself' and remember it's not about me. It's all about them.

Links:
http://www.holiday-project.org/ideas_for_visits.htm

Forgiveness

2010-04-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

I am listening to the Divorce Care CD on "Forgiveness." It's easy to believe that the concept of forgiveness is a good thing, it's in the doing that can be hard. Especially if the wounds are deep or the hurt repeated.

What I'm finally beginning to understand is that forgiveness is not a 1-sided relationship. It's not for me to forgive an unwilling participant. The 'guilty party' or person who violated your trust needs to care that they hurt you, ask for and want your forgiveness and change their pattern of behavior. They should want to reconcile or offer restitution of some sort. Even in our relationship with God, we are forgiven, but not until we turn to Him and confess our brokenness or transgressions toward other people or toward Him. We need a sincere heart, we need to surrender our pride and not have any intention of continuing in our old ways.

The bible says to forgive 70x7 times, but if the other party could care less about what they've done and who they've hurt, which means their intentions are not set on doing their part in healing the damage they've created, then I wonder if the act of forgiveness can truly begin? Back to the CD, maybe it will tell me.

31 Days of Clearning: Day 9

2010-03-09T23:42:00.000-08:00

Day 9: Making My First Necklace

Today's clearning project did not involve permanently clearing something out, but it was about clearing/cleaning a space and through that, I found some learnings.

Over the weekend I had some friends over for a beading get-together. Two of the five of us know how to make jewelry and they were helping the three of us that don't. I had purchased a starter kit a couple of months back and was anxious to use it. We were together for 5 hours on Sunday and by the time everyone left, I had barely positioned but a few beads on my bead board. I spent time making fruit salad, opening wine, playing hostess and just enjoying everyone's company. I spent more time visiting and watching what other master pieces other's were creating and really didn't accomplish much to speak of on my project.

That night, and a little bit on Monday, I repositioned the beads and started seeing some hope of a design. Since I'm a beginner in this area and bought pretty, shiny things that I was attracted to, I didn't know what to look for and ended up with beads meant for a double strand. Well, these are the beads I want to use, so a double strand it is. So now I had beads laid out on a board and then had no idea where to begin in terms of measuring wire, getting the beads strung (especially since it was two rows merging into one), and adding a clasp or anything else one needs to finish a piece of jewelry. So there sat an unfinished project on my dining room table that I didn't know how to complete.

I really don't like to leave things undone and this was a challenge that I needed to wrap up. Today, I wanted to clear off the dining room table and put the beads away. But I can't put something away until it's complete, so armed with a tip from Stacy that I needed to have two strands that both fed through one bead to become a single strand, I took a break from work this afternoon and sat down to finish the necklace. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to handle a couple of parts, and I didn't know how to put on a clasp or do finishing touches, but I dove in anyway just to see where it would take me. And ... I finished my first necklace! Well, almost ... I have beads on two strands but no clasp. So I have my first almost necklace! It's complete enough that I felt fine about putting all of the beading materials away. So my dining room table that looked like this:

Is now back to the way I like it:

I learned or reaffirmed some things through today's clearning project too. I already know that I like to finish what I start. It still bothers me that I only blogged for 25 days during "30 Days of Thanks" and still think about going back and writing about things I'm thankful for, for five more days. I really don't like loose ends and leaving anything incomplete that I've committed to. I also already knew that I like to figure things out and take pride in doing a good job. And this exercise reaffirmed that if I don't know how to do something, I'll do what I can to find out and I love learning new things. Also, I'll keep working and do what it takes to finish a project. What was new for me is that I just dove in, not knowing what the outcome would be. I'm a planner -- sometimes I think about things when I should be acting on them. So I learned that I can act even if I don't feel completely prepared or knowledgeable.

And (other than the wire hanging out at the ends because of no clasps), I'm really happy with the end result.

31 Days of Clearning: Day 8

2010-03-08T19:42:00.000-08:00

Day 8: Coffee Cups

It's amazing how our memories that are attached to objects can lead to an emotional attachment to said object. Coffee cups are another one of those things that have had a hold on me over the years. When I visited my sister in Nevada over Thanksgiving a couple of years ago and was searching for a coffee cup, there they were ... two coffee cups that I had given her oohhh so many years ago. I'm in my 40s and I probably gave her these cups when I was in my late teens or early 20s. I can picture them; one is tall, light in color with a blue unicorn. The other is short and brown/earth tones with a teddy bear on it. She still had them and my heart melted. They didn't go with her kitchen decor or other coffee mugs. But she still had them. There's only one reason she had them... because I gave them to her.

So, today's clearning project was much more difficult than it may sound -- I let go of some coffee cups. Over the years I've migrated to a larger and larger coffee cup. I like a BIG mug. After I pour myself a cup of coffee and add the milk and sweetener, I like to take it to my office or quiet corner where I read "Our Daily Bread" and enjoy the cup while I get things done. It takes awhile before I have to go refill the cup. Some of the small cups that I've been holding onto wouldn't last the trip up the stairs before I'd have to go back and get a refill. So today I decided to get rid of all of the small cups that I never, ever use. As well as a travel mug that's missing its lid.

Here's what I kept:

Here's what I let go of:

Some of these have an emotional attachment. I gave this teddy bear mug that reads "This bears my love to you" to my grandpa when I was a teenager. I got it back when he passed away. It prompts a memory, but I don't use it.

Oh my gosh... this one hurts. When Nikki was little (she's 24 now), the school would have a shopping day for kids to buy gifts for the holidays. I don't know how they did it, but they'd have things there that the kids could afford with only a few dollars. Nikki bought me this "Mom" cup. If I were to guess, she gave me this around the 4th grade, so maybe 9 years old. So I've had this cup for 15 years. I don't use it, so I'm going to gently and caringly add it to the giveaway pile. I hope she's okay with that ... it's actually really hard to let go of this cup.

And this one... it says "Mary Kay" on the bottom, so maybe I got it with an order. But from the day that I got it, I told Nikki that the three hearts symbolized me, her and Lindsey -- all connected together. It had a meaning that I gave it because I think I got it around the time I was grieving Lindsey. I've always thought it was pretty, and it had a special meaning for me.

This one I believe my sister gave me. It has Leo, my birth sign and the Leo traits on it. I've never felt like I'm anything like what they describe the Leo to be (I think I'm more like the Cancer), but my sister gave this to me and I've probably had it for at least 25 years. How coffee mugs became something that we gave each other or that we attached a meaning to, I don't know. But it's real and it's strong -- because I've held onto these mugs from my sis and my daughter for a long time only because they gave them to me.

This one I snatched from the estate sale that we had when my dad passed away. I don't know why. I really don't. I figured it had something to do with my dad if we were selling it in the estate sale and I like Mickey Mouse, so why not?

This is another one that I think my sister gave me a long, long time ago. Oh, I would so keep it if it were only BIG. It's adorable! I love it ... and it's from my sis. But I'm adding it to the giveaway pile.

My informal dishware pattern is Pfaltzcraft "April" (my formal china pattern is Pfaltzcraft "Aldolphie Classic"). So I have all of these extremely like-new but small coffee cups and saucers that match the pattern. I don't use them ... so they're outta here.

While most of the items in this cupboard were coffee mugs or coffee related, there are also some phone books. I almost clearned the phone books but decided it's always good to have one set around just in case the power goes out and I can't go to dexonline.com or yellowpages.com. I did, however, take out this wooden spacer shelf and I'm getting rid of it.

Lastly, out with the orange flavoring. My very first coffee order at Starbucks was the Mocha Valencia which is a chocolate orange latte. To my chagrin, Starbucks discontinued this fine, fine flavor. At one point I thought I'd make my home brew taste like the Mocha Valencias -- I never got close. I'm guessing this bottle is at least 8 years old and it doesn't look like it was even used. I dumped the syrup and recycled the bottle.

Okay, if my sister ever ends up reading this blog, I just want to say that our love and memories go beyond a coffee mug. ;) And if you are ever doing some clearning of your own, I promise not to feel bad or take it personally if you find yourself adding two mugs to your give away pile that don't match your decor.

Also, even though they are in the small category, there are two cups that I didn't part with. This first one Nikki gave me maybe two years ago and the other has a pouch for a tea bag and I just really like it.

31 Days of Clearning: Day 7

2010-03-07T10:47:00.000-08:00

Day 7: My Catch-All Basket

Yesterday was more of an emotional clearning than it was a physical clearning. Emotional clearnings are, quite frankly, exhausting! So, today will be simple.

I used to have two full catch-all baskets in the kitchen by the phone. But when I did my pencil drawer clearning project, I took one of those baskets and its two plastic inserts to organize the pencil drawer contents. What was in the first catch-all basket got dumped into the second. Today I clearned the remaining catch-all basket that was quite the distraction to an otherwise clean kitchen.

Oh no... are those MORE pens?

What I kept:

A "hook" who's use is a mystery to me. I'm keeping it until I can figure out if I should let it go.
A battery charger
3 charging cords (though a believe one of them is for a phone I no longer use)
1 video camera battery
Blue Tooth accessories
3 LR44 button cells
A timer
1 pair of sunglasses
Glasses case
Loose change
Cat nip for my cat's scratching pad
Black Eyed Susan flower seeds
A piece of paper with the fortune: "Today will be pleasant, your life will be prosperous." Since I read the fortune before having four friends over and the day was extremely pleasant, I figured I would hold onto it in hopes that the second part of the fortune is to be just as accurate. ;)
A travel size calorie counter
Paper clips
A rubber band
Altoids
A magnetic bookmark
A nail file
All the pens but one. One of the pens was my dad's, who worked for Coors before retiring. The pen has the Coors emblem. Thank goodness, it worked because I probably would have held onto it anyway!

Not everything that I kept went back in the basket; some things went up to my office and the loose change went in my purse. By the way - if you recognize the below hook and know its use, please let me know. I'd love to put it to use or throw it away.

What I let go of:

A cell phone carrier. I bought this as a Valentine's gift for my daughter a few years ago. She admitted that it wasn't her style or didn't have use for it, so I thought I would use it. I never have. That's too bad, too, because I love the look and when you open it, it holds cards/license, has a pocket and a mirror.
Sunglasses
Receipts
2 pedometers (they weren't accurate or need batteries, I have another from Jenny Craig that works)
A piece of plastic that I think broke off of a refrigerator shelf
A wrist heart monitor instructions
A sensor that used to clip on dog collars and automatically opened the dog door when they were near
A black rubber thing (photo below: if you have any idea what it's for please let me know)
2 bottle stoppers that came from oil diffusers
A book of travel discount vouchers that aren't valid since we 'woke up' and cancelled the membership that we got roped into.
A lens cloth
A catering pamphlet
A Bed, Bath and Beyond Brita Water filter mail-in rebate that expired 12/31/07.

Whew! MUCH better.

31 Days of Clearning: Day 6

2010-03-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

Day 6: Letting go of Rejection

Yesterday I received notice that not one of my three photograph entries made it into the art show. While this was the first time I've entered anything like this and tried to keep my expectations low, I was still hopeful of getting in.

Maybe it was the way they put the name of each photograph at the top of the letter, with the word "Rejected" next to it that brought on my reaction - but I cried.

• Abundant Waters - Rejected
• At Rest - Rejected
• Tranquility - Rejected

I think it was just one more thing that I was allowing to make me feel inadequate. At a time when I'm looking for some successes, it was a failure. My work not making it into the art show felt like one more failed marriage and one more job loss. I felt that me as a person and my work and my creativity were all being kicked to the curb.

Of course things usually look brighter when a new day dawns, and I was reminded of some things.

I didn't fail at my marriage. Though I'm far from perfect and do take responsibility for my actions, I didn't fail at marriage and I didn't do the things that left behind smoke and ashes. I failed at choosing the right person to trust with my heart. I loved, I trusted, I reached out, I shared my heart, I communicated my hopes and dreams, I respected his decisions (before I found out all he had been doing) and I supported him through some things that came back to hurt me, my reputation and my finances. I didn't do this to us. I didn't break my commitment to us, I didn't lie, betray, or ignore my vows. One of my character traits is that I'm loyal and I won't betray your trust. Unfortunately, I have a history of attracting those that aren't and do. This time it was like throwing acid on old wounds. The things that were going on without my knowledge over the past few years were actions of a broken person who was already doing or on the path to doing these things before I met him. I happened to meet him along that path which took my life in a different direction. You won't find many that are more supportive, caring or loyal than I am -- if you're worthy of my trust. I didn't do the things that hurt a marriage, what I did was trust. Believe me, I am the queen of quilt -- if something has gone wrong or not worked out, I immediately go to thoughts of myself and what role I played in it. I look at my words, actions, what I did and didn't do. I'm really not one to blame others. I think some personalities pick up on that, so it's easier knowing they're with someone who will doubt themselves rather than take a look at their own responsibility. You know, I just can't do it this time -- I can't find anything that could be considered my own wrong-doing other than I trusted. I chose the person, I loved the person and I committed my heart to the person. That's what I can take complete responsibility for. The ending and the mess that continues isn't due to me being rejected. It has to do with the brokenness of another person, me finally letting go as I won't accept further betrayal in my life, the lessons and growth opportunities, and the moving on for my own healing.

The job loss was really a blessing in disguise. The loss of income I'm not so fond of, but my skills weren't being utilized in this job and in many ways it was a job where the skilled, creative, knowledgeable Merri couldn't progress and was kept 'small' if you know what I mean. I've shown that I'm capable of so much more and was working toward leaving to focus on my Virtual Assistant business. The job loss was a push toward my goal and an opportunity to look for the other open doors. I take this one less personally, because the work wasn't challenging and the organization let go of 17 people that day. 17 highly skilled, competent, intelligent people; so I was in good company.

I've never taken photography classes and maybe my art not making it into the show just tells me that I would benefit from further instruction. Also, there are many people who have told me that they enjoy my photographs and I've earned income through some of my earlier pictures through my Scenic Sentiments business. The judges are professional photographers, both who take a lot of nature shots. Some of it is subjective, some of it is skill, some of it is technical. I'm not sure of their reasons but I'm okay with it. I'm busy and getting art matted and framed for a show would have added more 'stuff' to my full life right now. They may have enjoyed the pictures, but maybe I didn't follow directions (I know the size of thumbnail was larger than the limit they set for the files) or maybe I entered them in the wrong category (if there was too much clean up, maybe they should have been entered in the color with special effects category). I do know that others like looking at my photographs and I love taking pictures. That won't change. If I'm serious about have professional judges like my snaps, then maybe I need to get more serious about the craft and take classes. No biggie. Let it go.

So, today I tore up the "Rejection" letter from the art show and let go of much of the hurt that it represented. No, I'm not suddenly healed in terms of the heartbreak from a marriage ending or with sorting through all the trust issues that remain. But I can see things clearly and I continue the process of letting go.

"Rejection is God's Protection."

31 Days of Clearning: Day 5

2010-03-05T21:28:00.000-08:00

Day 5: My Pencil Drawer

I'll let you in on a little secret... I have a pen fetish. At least you'd think I do judging by the amount of pens (and pencils and highlighters) that I have strewn about the house. Most people have a pencil cup. I have a pencil DRAWER in my office and a pencil BUCKET by the phone in the kitchen. I can barely find my scissors or ruler in a drawer that is overflowing with pens.

I've mentioned my pack-rat tendencies in previous posts and I think much of that came from my dad. He grew up during the Depression and some of his stories were sad to hear. His family had very little for a long time. Maybe that's why, as an adult he had fun ordering and buying the gadgets and stuff that he didn't have growing up. But most items ultimately became a collection of things; it was very rare that he only had one of something. He had a drawer full of calculators, a drawer full of watches, a shelf full of wireless digital thermometers, and toward the end of his life he probably had around 10 digital cameras. I can't afford to have 'collections' like that, and my pack-rat nature probably doesn't run as deep, but I do have difficulty in letting go of some things. I was surprised that pens could be among those things as I set out to rid the drawer and bucket of dead pens.

I found that I had been holding on to some of the pens because they were representative of different periods of my life and prompted memories.

A "Land Title" pen that must have been from the closing on my first home,
a pen from the Scanticon Hotel which no longer exists (it became the Inverness Hotel & Conference Center probably around 1995),
two pens from a couple of women's retreats through church,
pens purchased in gift shops as mementos from trips I took,
pens with my daughter's name on them
Taz pens (from when my daughter was much younger and in her "Taz" phase,
pens from past employers, a couple whose names have changed due to mergers,
a pen from Loews Ventana Canyon Resort where I went with U S West to a sales and marketing conference in Arizona, and
a couple of pens inherited from my dad.

And then there were pens that just looked cute or were fun.

Some pens were from companies I had not heard of or had never done business with, so I was prompted to research who they were (Operation Walk - Denver, CA Inc. - Communicating with Agriculture, ITT Financial, and HPCW Business Writing). And there were a couple of pens from temporary agencies that helped me get my foot in the door with organizations that I ended up working with for many years. I was happy to find that they were still in business.

And then there were the pencils ...since I don't believe I have a pencil sharpener any more, I should have gotten rid of them but they're still in my life.

It was also hard to get rid of the pens that had some weight to them. They seemed higher quality but they were non-refillable and dead. So, heavy or not, they went in the pitch pile.

I threw away 153 pens today. One healing aspect to this exercise is that one of the pens in the pitch pile included my soon-to-be ex-husbands' name and company on it. No reason to hang on to that. And, fortunately, all of my dad's pens worked, so I didn't have to make that "to toss or not to toss" decision.

So, here's the end result. I didn't want to just toss the remaining pens back into the drawer, so I organized it a bit. Ta-Dah!

31 Days of Clearning: Day 4

2010-03-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

Day 4: It's just stuff

Continuing on my clearning quest, today I got rid of some miscellaneous items from a couple of places in the house. I will have more give away items by the end of the month, so by 'got rid of' I mean they're going in a give-away pile to be taken to the Good Will as soon as this month is over.

A couple of months ago, just in time for the new year, I discovered The FLYLady. FLY stands for "Finally Loving Yourself" and her website is chock full of tips for cleaning, organizing, taking care of your home, finances and body. I discovered her through KLOVE and she has been introducing us to one habit each month. The first habit in January was to shine your sink. It didn't matter if the rest of the house was a war zone or the counter tops around the sink were cluttered -- the only thing we were tasked to do was to shine our sinks every night before bed. Then, upon waking up in the morning, we don't feel like we are already behind the eight ball with dishes to do. It feels great to wake up to a clean and empty sink. Also to keep a clean dish towel by the sink and dry it out every time you run water in it. This way the sink stays clean. So in January, I bought some nice new dish towels. My kitchen drawer was getting too full with older, dingier looking oven mitts and towels so I pulled some out to give away.

February's habit was to declutter for 15 minutes a day, but with all that was happening in February, and all the paperwork I had strewn about, I didn't fully embrace February's habit. This 31 Days of Clearing should help me get back on track. Today I also pulled out a lamp that is going in the get rid of pile. I had this lamp in my previous home at least 16 years ago, and I think I even had it in my apartment before that. It's just too big for the spaces where I need lighting and a bit out of style. The pack-rat in me has been saving it with the thought that if I ever finish the basement, it will need lighting. Well, I've been in this house since September of 1996 and still haven't even gotten a garage door opener. The chances of the basement getting finished are slim to none. And if I have the money to finish a basement, I'll have the money to buy a new lamp. So, bye-bye lamp.

And this might seem trivial, but I threw out a partially used candle. If there's life left in something I usually save it. I have a drawer full of partially used candles for when the electricity goes out. Why waste something? Well, it's that struggle between not wanting to waste, and not wanting clutter that I have to battle. And I need to move more to the side that allows me to let go of unwanted and unnecessary stuff. So I pitched the partially used candle.

Today I also let go of the idea that the stupid expired Dell gift card would ever come to any good. It's not serving me, it's expired, it's a lost cause, get it out of your house already. So I did.

31 Days of Clearning: Day 3

2010-03-03T16:41:00.000-08:00

Day 3: My calendar

This morning I met a friend for coffee that has been walking with me through the heartbreaking journey of divorce. She has been through her own tests these past few months, as she was diagnosed with breast cancer. When we hugged "hello" and I asked about her treatments, she said this would be a celebratory cup of coffee since she just came from her last radiation treatment. Wow. I'm so glad I was present and showed up today since our meetings aren't just about me. I find that I forget about what I'm going through when I step out to be present for a friend, and our meetings are about two lives and I'm so glad I could just be there with her.

The rest of my plans for the next couple of days, however, needed to be examined, and I let go of some plans. Today's clearning exercise was about clearing my calendar. The past 2 1/2 weeks have been a whirlwind of jumping through hoops, paperwork, deadlines, appointments and phone calls. Between going to career continuation workshops, looking into the Colorado Workforce Center educational opportunities, filing for unemployment, redoing my divorce financials, filing an FSA claim, filing an HRA claim, looking into COBRA, getting scheduled for doctor appointments before health benefits expired, joining AssistU related teleconference calls, filling out coaching paperwork, scanning and emailing a company separation agreement and much, much more ... I decided that I needed to examine my priorities and decide what is best for both my rest and success right now.

I was to meet another friend from the Divorce Care group this afternoon and possibly drive to Falcon/Peyton Colorado (an hour and 1/2 drive each way) for another event on Saturday. Each person and event is important to me, but the reality that I'm currently unemployed has hit hard. Today, I needed to step back and let go of some 'wants' and some 'would love to do' commitments. I had to say 'no' to one event and reschedule another. And as other things come up, until my focused energy results in paying clients that will sustain me and truly launch my business, I might have to say 'no' to a lot of things or cancel well-intentioned plans.

While I need a break from reality once in awhile, and I need friendships and support groups, I also need to pull in the reins on my time and allocate it appropriately while my future is up in the air.

Today's clearning was about time management, admitting that I can't do it all, and letting go of some things that I wanted to do in favor of things that are must dos in order to realize my long-term dreams.

The learning in this letting go is that while family and friends should be given a priority, I can't operate out of guilt or obligation when planning my time. If I'm spread too thin, I won't get my business off the ground and I won't be of much value as a friend if I reach the point of burn out. Most importantly, if I'm preaching balance to my clients, I'd better be setting the example.

31 Days of Clearning: Day 2

2010-03-02T13:45:00.000-08:00

Day 2: Paper Piles

My biggest struggle in regards to clutter has always been paper piles. Bills, catalogs, junk mail, coupons, receipts, brochures, maps, notes jotted down to research something later, things that should be filed like information from the vet, health insurance, auto insurance, resumes, paid bills, etc. I can usually find what I'm looking for if it is on a piece of paper somewhere in my home, but I'm tired of the piles.

I can have a relatively clean and uncluttered home, until you start looking closer. If, to my dismay, you do decide to take a closer look, you'll find stacks of paper in the kitchen chair, dining room chair, on the kitchen island, in a stack in the guest bedroom, in a stack in my office, and in two or three carry-all totes. I am getting better about immediately weeding through the mail when it arrives and throwing out (recycling) the junk mail. There was a time when I had to open EVERY. PIECE. OF. MAIL. It looked like junk mail; paper from insurance companies other than who I do business with, envelopes that say "dated material, open immediately," and plain looking mail with just a return address but no company name. But, I couldn't toss it until I knew what it was, and I didn't have time at that moment to look at every piece of mail, so ... it went into a pile.

I've often taken several weekends just to sort through paper and put related material into related piles. Then, the need to use the dining room table would arise, or company was coming, so the sorted papers went back into a pile. But it was a sorted pile, I'd reason. So the next time I decided to dive into papers, it would already be started. I couldn't file things because my file cabinets were already bursting with files and I needed to weed out and start fresh with a new filing system. So, the piles grew.

Today, I deal with the mail as soon as I bring it in the house. If it's a bill, it goes into a bill drawer. If it's junk, the recycle bin is right behind where I sort mail. I still end up with a pile of something that I want to look at later though. Today, you can access almost anything online; from your health records to vendor statements, so it is easier to "go green" and eliminate much of the paper. I'm getting much better at staying on top of the paper tiger before it devours me. But, I still have those other piles, from before I made the decision to tackle that paper tiger. And I still have the overflowing files that need weeded out before I can jump into getting things filed. So today, I took one of those piles and dumped it out on my kitchen island.

I threw out what I could, and used a handy filing organizer tool for the rest. Instead of putting remaining paper in another pile only to "touch" it multiple more times in the future, it's at least in an alphabetical system until I revamp my files.

With that one pile, I filled up a recycle box and now my kitchen island looks like this.

One pile down, and just a few more to go. :)

31 Days of Clearning: Day 1

2010-03-01T18:25:00.000-08:00

During the month of March I'm participating in 31 Days of Clearning. What is clearning? A phrase that Stacy Brice came up with that combines clearing + cleaning + learning.

"Clearning isn’t about being perfectly organized. It’s about getting rid of the things that are holding you back. It's about letting go of all the 'stuff' you’ve amassed that doesn’t serve you. It’s about freeing yourself from being pinned down by anything that doesn’t fit you. It’s about making space for the new, the fresh, the bigger and better to come into your life. Clearning is what happens BEFORE you organize."

This is about clearing out space of the old unnecessary stuff (tolerations) to make room for a new and better reality.

When I first heard the term, I thought clearning was purely about uncluttering our physical spaces. I love a clean and uncluttered environment, though I don't always have the time or energy to make my physical spaces a priority. I'll avoid having company over when it gets too out of control, so a clearning assignment would absolutely benefit me. However, I tend to have a wee bit of a pack-rat mentality (I have enough canned goods to survive a month-long crisis), and now that I have been got caught up in my company's layoffs, the survival instinct has really kicked in. Getting rid of things could really go against my nature as I try to save money and have things around "just in case." But, selling stuff could bring income which wouldn't hurt, so there's that. Plus, a cluttered environment actually blocks the flow of energy and thought and can slow you down. It is the most blissful feeling to sit down at the end of a long day in a clean and uncluttered space. Until the clutter goes away, the cleaning, decorating, floral touches, soothing aromas, and much of what makes a house a home, can't even begin to happen. It all has to start with letting go of stuff. And when I get in a cleaning mode and end up with a pile (or room) full of stuff that doesn't have a place and I don't know where to put it, that's a sign that it's time to do some clearning.

However, clearning isn't just about cleaning house. It can be our physical surroundings, but it can also be people, beliefs, mental chatter, etc. that are holding us back and creating a barrier to our well-being. This has already been a year of letting go for me as I've recently had to let go of two critically important things in my life; my marriage and income due to a job loss. Both of those losses were out of my control. Both were also unhealthy situations in many ways and I was reminded yesterday that "rejection is God's protection." With daily clearning, I'll be letting go of even more, but by choice and because this kind of letting go is healthy. This exercise comes at a perfect time for me, as I have a lot of clearning to do. Some days will be as simple as cleaning out my coupon drawer, while others may take me to a deeper clearning of relationships or mental strongholds.

DAY 1:

Today, I created this personal blog. I then took a business blog that had grown to be more personal in nature and separated out the content. Now I can direct clients and prospective clients to http://here2assist.blogspot.com/ and direct friends or anyone I'm comfortable inviting a little closer into my life to http://merritaylor.blogspot.com/. By freeing up the business blog from what might appear to be personal drama (yes, I have experienced much pain and loss over the past six months, but I'm still standing), I've made room for myself to freely write and journal and blog separate from a page that, while authentic and transparent, should focus on the client's needs more than it does my life. So, the other blog now has the space and content to attract my ideal client(s).

Friends "Kick Butt"

2010-02-18T20:57:00.000-08:00

This year I'm going through a dissolution of marriage, I said good-bye to a dear companion pet who has been a constant in my life since 1993 (only 2 mos. after Lindsey's murder) and I was laid off from my job a week ago today. What could be a dark and lonely season of my life has, in fact, produced some amazing fruit already. The largest blessings that have emerged are friendships.

I had a handful of friends prior to this year, but mostly acquaintances. Admittedly, I didn't invest a lot of time in my existing friendships because I was too exhausted after work, or didn't seem to have room in my schedule outside of work and time with my husband. My husband was my best friend (I thought) and my world largely revolved around him. I knew it wasn't healthy to not have friendships outside of the marriage, but I did have a few friends that I'd meet up with every now and then so I thought that was enough. I felt a pang of awareness that I really should have taken the time to reach out and connect more often. But I was pretty sure my friends knew that I was here, especially when life brought tragedy. I would drop everything to be there for a friend in need, and I knew they would be here for me, like when my dad passed away. There didn't seem to be an urgency to deepen or widen those friendships, because I was at a different stage in my life. I was focused on my marriage, a bit of an introvert, not one to stay up and party all night anymore and loved my time at home ... but I did find myself craving a deeper connection with others. Despite the occasional pang to pursue friendships outside of the marriage, I enjoyed my husband's company so much, that I remained content spending all my free time with him.

Then came the reasons for the pending divorce and there went the world that I built my affection and loyalty around. I finished the AssistU VTP, the final exam and internship. While one area of my life was coming to a painful and surprising end, I moved forward with my hopes, plans and dreams in a completely different area of my life. God's timing is perfect and just in time. While isolation was the last thing I needed at this point, God deepened existing friendships and brought a wave of brand new relationships and resources into my life right when they were (are) needed most. The weekend of our final exam brought news of a serious nature about my daughter. Fast forward to February and I'm at the veterinarian’s office comforting Chance as I said 'good-bye', and then came a job loss six days later. Through this, old friends have reappeared and new friends have shown themselves to be truly present, caring and committed to my well-being. An acquaintance from my old church has consistently walked with me through much of this for several months now, the divorce care coordinators have reached out in a big way, the Sr. VA that I interned with reached out and presented some hopeful ideas for the future, former co-workers have emailed with words of comfort and support, the job continuation workshop has brought an amazing network of people that want to help, I've been offered some business coaching to help me get the best start possible, fellow VTP students have reached out with emails, one VTP classmate sent flowers and today I received a Zena Moon candle with a quote about change by Gilda Radner.

These life changes that have been largely out of my control have brought with them some amazing gifts. These wonderful souls who have swept into my life are friends. People I can trust with my heart, which is so very important right now.

So ...why the title "Friends Kick Butt?" Because the notes that accompanied the flowers and candle seemed to have a theme.

One said, "Things happen for a reason & I think you're getting a kick in the butt to start your new life with a clean slate! Now's the chance to be, do, have & create!! Focus on the excitement of now, choosing your own path."

And the other, "Get out there and kick some a**!"

So, body parts aside, thank you all for your friendship. You've not only made a difficult season bearable, but you've given me joy, laughter and hope. You've sparked my flame and didn't allow it to go dark.

Because of you I'm still holding on.

All Good Plans

2010-02-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

Today I was one of 17 people to be laid off from my job at a non-profit agency in Denver. The way it was handled had everyone experiencing psychological torture for several hours, not knowing if we would be one of those to go as they made their way around to each unfortunate person's office.

The anticipation of not knowing was worse than any possible outcome. By the time they made their way to my office, when I saw them coming, I jokingly said, "Oh great, here comes the death squad." And I actually felt a tinge of relief because I wasn't wondering anymore. Either way, those who survived this round of layoffs and those of us whose positions were eliminated, have to face change and have a lot of work and uncertainty ahead of us. As I learn more about the organization's plans for workload and leadership (there are none), the worse it sounds for those still hanging on to their jobs.

Letting go of something is never easy. But sometimes we hold onto something too long, with a false sense of security, a false sense of commitment, until that thing that we think we need for our survival actually becomes toxic and unhealthy. The environment was becoming toxic and unhealthy before the announced layoffs, and it has become even more so for those who are left to figure out their place amongst the chaos.

For some reason, this is to be my year of letting go. My life looks nothing like it did a year ago today. I have survived major tragedies in the past and I will survive this. Not because on my own I'm made of rock, but because through this I'll grow closer to my God who is my rock. And because, even more powerful than the fear and worry, is a feeling of excitement and a sense that I'm being given an opportunity to launch my VA business full time. I don't have to squeeze in work on my website, marketing, interviews and client work on evenings and weekends after feeling drained from my J.O.B. My business and my clients can now have my full attention as I move closer to what I truly *want* to do.

On November 11, 2009 I wrote in a 30 Days of Thanks blog: "While I'm incredibly thankful to be earning a living and bringing in that steady income, there's also nothing wrong with working toward something better. My entrepreneurial spirit is ready to start partnering with my ideal clients to help move their businesses forward. And I'm looking forward to moving away from just a job, to something unlimited, and empowering; a business that utilizes my skills and stokes my passion. Eventually, I'll replace the J-O-B (that I am grateful for) with the business that I am meant to build and be oh so EVEN MORE grateful for."

While I thought at the time that I would transition into my business while keeping my full time income, God has His own perfect timing and I will rest in that. While I am "Here2Assist" my clients, God will be here to assist me. Sounds like a pretty good team. :)

Tomorrow’s plans I do not know,

I only know this minute;

But He will say, “This is the way,

By faith now walk ye in it.” —Ryberg

Write your plans in pencil and let God have the eraser.

My One Word

2010-01-31T16:42:00.000-08:00

From KLOVE's website:

"Every New Year we hope this will finally be the year that things will change. We make promises about the new person we're going to become, pledging to get a grip on our finances, get in shape, become a better parent, spouse, even a nicer human being! But there’s one problem: our resolutions seldom work. The busy pace of life gets the better of us, and suddenly, the year is over with little to no personal growth having occurred in our lives.

“My One Word” is an experiment designed to move you beyond the past and look ahead. The challenge is simple: lose the long list of changes you want to make this year and instead pick ONE WORD. This process provides clarity by taking all of your big plans for life change and narrowing them down into a single thing. One word focuses on your character and creates a vision for your future. So, we invite you to join us and pick one word in 2010." Click here to learn how to pick your word.

I took the challenge and I finally found my perfect One Word for this year. I had so many to choose from in this unsettled period of my life -- peace, healing, forgiveness, seeking, pursuit, hope, sustain. But God gave me my word this week. The word "Face" will help me focus my time and energy and filter my decisions this year.

Face:
1. To confront with complete awareness.
2. To overcome by confronting boldly or bravely.

I recently uncovered 5 years worth of lies and betrayal by my husband and have spent the past few months in shock and unbelievable emotional pain and turmoil. I wondered how I could have overlooked so many red flags, how I could not question or push for answers when something didn't seem right. Why I didn't trust my own instincts rather than hide behind the excuse of being a good Christian wife -- supportive and forgiving. I've never liked confrontation -- maybe I didn't look under the rocks or persist in digging for evidence because it was more comfortable not knowing. Well, now I know. I may only know just a fraction of what there is to know, but it's enough to tear a marriage apart and enough to completely turn my world upside down.

Now that I know, I must face the reality of what was really going on these past few years, face the reality that I was duped, face my grief, face my pain in order to do the hard work of healing, face all that is involved in going through a divorce, face an uncertain future, face that trust remains an issue, face my finances which have been left in shambles, face the agony of lost hope and a mended heart that has once again come completely unraveled -- completely undone, face the fact that people will hurt you, face the reality that love leaves you vulnerable, and face the disappointing reality that people lie and promises and commitments can be broken. I may have avoided wanting to know the truth because of the possibility of pain. But, I'm living in the pain anyway so I need to face the truth and face it sooner, even if I'm afraid or uncomfortable. I want this year to be the opposite of avoidance. I want to face my problems and not cower or run from them. I want to face my insecurities, instincts and gut feelings in order to find out if there really is a problem lurking behind the uncertainty.

There are a couple of other reasons that affirm for me that "Face" is my perfect One Word this year:

1. At my darkest moment, KLOVE played "What Faith Will Do" by Kutless. That song has lifted me up from the ashes several times when I've heard it. There's a line in the song that says "You gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining."

2. A favorite verse from the bible (Numbers 6:24-26 ) mentions God's face --
The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.

This year “Face” will be my word filter. This year, I will face the clouds and find my silver lining.

To take this excericse a step further, the value words that describe other people that I want in my life, whether it be business relationships or friendships, are "transparent" and "committed".

Someone to Believe In

2010-01-10T18:50:00.000-08:00

"Believing everybody is dangerous:

Believing nobody is very dangerous"

- Abraham Lincoln

What Four Things You Never Want to Break

2010-01-10T11:00:00.000-08:00

Never break four things in your life:

Trust -- Relation -- Promise and -- Heart.

because when they break, they don't make noise but pains a lot.

~Charles Dickens

Wishing You Abundance & Blessings in 2010

2010-01-01T10:55:00.000-08:00

What does the New Year mean to you? A hangover from the last day of the prior year? 365 days of possibilities? A chance to do things differently?

The writer in me sees the New Year as a chapter in a book with blank pages for me to write my own story.

The artist in me sees each New Year as a blank canvass to express myself and choose the colors and textures I’ll use to bring my visions to life. With time and renewed energy to create as many scenes as my inventory will allow.

The nature lover in me sees the New Year as an expansive field with seedlings ready to emerge in exuberant joy, reaching for the light. A whole wilderness at the ready for seasonal cycles of warmth, storms and blooms.

The risk-taker and explorer in me thinks of the New Year as a pristine landscape covered by a fresh blanket of snow -- untrampled upon and full of promise. Unexplored beauty waiting for us to make our own paths, discovering and rediscovering ourselves along the way, and choosing each step wisely, so others who follow in our tracks will be assured of their footing.

And the photographer in me sees the year ahead as a camera fully loaded with fresh film or an unlimited GB Compact Flash card -- as I watch, be still, wait and be aware of those daily and once-in-a-lifetime moments that I capture to memory to revisit and remember in the years to come. Frame by frame, as an observer and participant, there is a lot to see and many memories to be made.

The hope that continues to reside in my heart, prays for opportunities to combine all facets of who I am in this New Year as I continue to grow, love and learn. The light that continues to reside in my heart prays for a year that will bring peace, healing and forgiveness. The desire that continues to dwell in my soul prays that I'll be surrounded by people who will be gentle with my heart, worthy of my trust, and who will bring with them an abundant supply of compassion and laughter. The faith that is still a part of my spirit prays for the ability to keep my heart open, to love again, to give, trust and receive. Wishing us all an abundance of love, laughter, God's presence, business success, and all that makes us smile, all that prompts us to give back in this precious New Year.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 25

2009-11-25T14:22:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for:

The excitement of trying new things.

I won't say that I can't cook, because when I do take the time I can make some pretty tasty things. I just don't cook. Plug in one of a zillion reasons, primarily having to do with life in general and not having enough time, and I've used it. Cooking takes planning and by the time I realize I'm hungry, I go for convenience.

But holidays and special occasions are different. They give me the opportunity to play in the kitchen, which can be entertaining. My husband mentioned that carrot cake was his favorite, so last year for his birthday, I waited for him to go to sleep while I stayed up and peeled carrots and made my very first carrot cake. It turned out pretty good and I loved learning/doing something new.

For Thanksgiving tomorrow, I'll be busy in the kitchen tonight trying a couple of new things; a pumpkin toffee cheesecake and a pretzel Jell-O salad. I've never made a cheesecake before, but I can follow directions.

"New things" isn't limited to cooking. There are states (and countries) I haven't explored yet. From Peru to Oregon or Maine -- there are places near and far I want to see.

There are photography workshop tours with professional photographers where you camp out under the stars and get perfect sunrise photos among cacti and mesas.

There are wildlife parks like the one a friend frequents that get you up close and personal with bears and other wildlife.

There is the Aurora Borialis and other natural wonders that I haven't seen with my own eyes yet.

There's interior design classes, painting, pottery, haunted house tours, scuba diving, planting the perfect garden, learning about flowers, going bird watching... all kinds of things I have yet to do, learn or try. There is more to do than I have time for in this lifetime. That's a good thing. I'll never be bored, and there are always ways to keep stretching myself beyond my comfort zone. Even if it's simply a new recipe, it's energizing and stimulating to try something new.

Revelations

Maybe it wasn't so much a revelation that I had today, but rather a gentle insight or affirmation that is prodding me in the direction that I instinctively was already headed. Today's news brought another human interest story about a couple of local fellas that lost their jobs which led them to fulfilling their dream of starting their own company. I have seen/heard more and more of these stories over the past few months and it is igniting in me the realization that I need to launch my VA business soon. Even if part time, all of these budding entrepreneurs are going to need help from someone who is authentic and who is looking out for their best interests. Solopreneurs are sprouting up all over the place and I'm excited to hear their stories on a daily basis. I'm thankful that they've made the most out of losing their jobs and are plowing ahead with something that is all about them and what they want to do. And I'm thankful how something like a recession can actually create opportunities. It's affirming to see opportunities popping up all around me.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 24

2009-11-24T10:12:00.000-08:00

Today's blog is dedicated to my friend, we'll call her "B" (for Beautiful), who learned yesterday that the biopsy from her breast contained cancerous cells.

Today I am grateful for:

The Power, Wisdom and Comfort of Prayer;

Persistence, Conviction and Courage found in Belief;

Peace, Strength and Freedom that comes from Faith;

Expectation, Optimism, and Possibility of Hope;

Assurance, Support and Connectedness of Touch;

Depth of Spirit, Joy and Perspective found in Friendships;

the Promise, Light, and Renewed Healing that comes from Love;

and GOD who can be found in all of them, in all ways, in all of our days.

“And their prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make them well. And anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven. Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results.”

James 5:15-16 (NLT)

30 Days of Thanks - Days 20-23

2009-11-23T12:01:00.000-08:00

When I try to take on too much, my body lets me know it. If I ignore my body's promptings, it turns up the heat until it gets my attention and I have no choice other than to stop, pay attention, and reverse course.

We're all busy, so I'm preaching to the choir on that one, I know. And the holiday season just intensifies anything you have going on and can create an imbalance to already very full plates. An unbalanced full plate means what was on that plate can all come crashing down and spilling over as the plate tips. Anxiety, racing heart, head spinning dizziness, a jabbing knot in my back and the inability to take in enough air into my lungs are how my body decided to slap me upside the head this weekend.

"But, body," I chastised, "I'm BUSY. I don't have time to deal with not being able to breathe. Would ya just cooperate here? PLEASE?"

It didn't listen. On top of a full time job, an AssistU internship, a Tuesday evening class, and preparing the house for company over Thanksgiving (I have mini-explosions all over the house where I've started to take down a 55 gal. fish aquarium, am assembling two pieces of furniture and have 20 other partially finished projects strewn about), I also received an order for my Scenic Sentiments nature note cards that I can't fulfill until I set up my computer and restore all the files that I had backed up.

Additionally, in the interest of being totally authentic and transparent, I will share with you that I'm going through a divorce. I guess it's real enough now that I can write about it, at least in generalities. As a Christian, who married for life, I rested in the promise we made to each other in front of God, so I am still in complete and utter shock that I'm in this place right now. The things that were revealed to me in the past few months really have me moving between disbelief and unbelievable pain. It's an emotional roller-coaster and I'm looking forward to when I can get off this ride (I've never liked roller coasters). With the pain of such a life-altering event comes a huge investment of time to go through the legal process as well as the healing process. Last week was a hearing, I've also tried to aid the healing process with counseling, and I’m meeting with a Stephen's minister/friend, and attending a couple of Divorce Care events through church. One Divorce Care email reaffirmed for me how I'm feeling, in that 85% of my energy reserves are all going to the emotional side of life and simply finding a way to cope right now. That leaves very little remaining for physical, mental and spiritual activities. The email used the following analogy to describe the energy distribution imbalance: "You are going round and round. It's like you are running your engine wide open, but you're in neutral and not going anywhere, yet you can't shut the motor off. Eighty-five percent of your energy is being consumed in the whole emotional area. That leaves you 5 percent mental, 5 percent spiritual, and 5 percent physical."

So I had to decide if missing Facebook posts for a few days (there might be a friend in need who will wonder why I didn't comment or support her after all) or getting my 30 Days of Thanks blog written were really worth my health. If a friend needs me, he won't rely on Facebook to get my attention (or will message me directly), and the 30 Days of Thanks isn't meant to be a chore; it's intended to soften the heart and take you to a place of gratitude. It's meant to be joyful and voluntary, not drudgery. So, I won't know what's been going on in the lives of my Facebook friends since last Thursday. I need to be okay with that. And instead of trying to do longer blogs for each day missed of 30 Days of Thanks, I will simply group those days and move on. So here we go.

Today I am thankful for:

Day 20:

• Peppermint Mocha Lattes! Heavenly!

• The gentle prompting from a friend who has been meeting with me almost weekly for the past couple of months to take care of myself first. I was having trouble breathing which made it difficult to carry on a conversation. Her nudge got me to call the doctor. I would still be dealing with the issue that interfered with my breathing if I hadn't made that call on Friday.

• A door prize that I won Friday night at a Pampered Chef party. It's a Fall cookbook, which may give me some ideas for Thanksgiving side dishes.

Day 21:

• Modern medicine. I use prescription drugs sparingly, as I've just never really been a fan. I don't want to build up a resistance to something for the future and I usually don't like how most medications make me feel. There are definitely exceptions to that though, and this weekend I was grateful for an anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant that the doctor prescribed. She thought soft tissue inflammation in an area where I was carrying stress created a knot in my back that made it feel like someone was stabbing me and interfering with my ability to take deep breaths. The meds took care of the pain in the back, which in turn took care of the breathing. I might also add that I've had three wonderful nights of sleep thanks to the muscle relaxant. :)
• My daughter, Nikki called. It was great hearing her voice and making plans for her visit.
• A customer found my Scenic Sentiments website and placed an order for two boxed sets of cards.

Day 22:

• Despite a full plate, the ability to choose 'me time.' This helps me recharge and makes it possible to keep chipping away at that plate. I left the house for 3 hours to see a movie (I saw 2012 because I apparently didn't think I had enough to feel anxious about - LOL! Actually, it was more of a timing thing and the movie didn't bother me; I went more for the special effects).

• A wonderful IT guy who rebuilt my computer.

• Carbonite, which backed up all the files I had on my computer and is restoring them all as I type.

• Pandora online radio. I listened to Christmas music by Amy Grant, Josh Grobin, Trans Siberian Orchestra, Mercy Me and more while I had a productive spurt working on my intern assignments.

Day 23:

• Unlikely friendships. This morning I accepted a Facebook friend request from a gentleman that I sold a camera to in 2005. When my dad passed away on Valentine's Day, 2005, he left behind a collection of digital cameras because he was a huge gadget person and he loved photography. I helped mom by selling dad's collection on eBay and Frank was one of those eBay buyers. We've exchanged emails over the years, mainly around the holidays now -- and our only connection is dad's camera.

• A realization (and acceptance) that answers may never come, but healing will. Even through this difficult season, I’m still managing to accomplish a lot, reach out to friends and stay active socially. I’m taking time for self care and not beating myself up when I have to delay or let go of something. If I’m producing, positively impacting others and embracing life at a time when things are expected to be hard, I will be amazing when I emerge to the other side. The only way out is through.

That’s me in the middle, looking a little run down, but I’ve surrounded myself with people who genuinely care and are keeping their eyes and ears open to look out for my best interests. :)

30 Days of Thanks - Day 19

2009-11-19T22:24:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for:

Nature.

Though it's possible for words to describe the beauty of nature (incredible sunset, pristine lake, majestic mountains, thunderous waterfall), it's hard to completely capture the breathtaking splendor of God's creation unless it's experienced. Short of being in the position to travel the world, photographs offer a glimpse of what a perfect and beautiful world we live in. So today, I offer less words, and instead, a photo blog of the wonderful world in which we live. I encourage you to get outside and explore, breath the air deep into your lungs, feel the breeze on your face, be alert to the wildlife that shares our planet and rejoice in the beauty that surrounds you. From the intricate snowflake, to the strength of water which carved out the Grand Canyon ... wow... what a wonderful world.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 18

2009-11-18T18:00:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for:

Online learning, teleclasses, teleseminars, webcasts and webinars.

This year my brain has been in learning mode, soaking up new things like a sponge. Prior to this year, I believe it had been years since I've been to a class or had the opportunity to refresh my skills and learn something new.

I was hungry for knowledge, new skills, refresher courses to keep current skills sharp, or even some fun creative course like those found in the community leisure magazines (pottery, wine tasting, etc.). With wisdom comes options, and an inner attractiveness and assuredness. I was ready to stretch myself and act on that thirst for information that had grown too strong to ignore.

With a full time job and the general craziness of life, I didn't think I'd have the time or energy to go to a university or classroom setting to make learning a reality. That's when I stumbled on a link through my local library to a huge online catalog of classes offered online. I jumped at the opportunity to take a beginning HTML class in February-March, and immediately after, began my journey with Assist University's Virtual Training Program (20 weeks of intensive, comprehensive training for those serious about owning their own Virtual Assistance business). With the HTML course, all materials were online, there were weekly self tests, and a class forum where students could bring their questions. With AssistU, we had a weekly call, checkpoints when major assignments were due (business plan, welcome kit, etc.), a weekly 'call prep' which captured that week's fieldwork, an online community and a hefty final exam. Everything, with the exception of the initial welcome/orientation package and the final certificate upon graduation was handled virtually, with a phone and a computer.

Upon graduating from the VTP in September, I've since jumped in on several teleclasses about blogging, attracting ideal clients, authentic marketing, and I'm currently enrolled in a 5 week teleclass called "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life." Since I'm going through an extremely difficult season in my personal life, I figured the power of positive thinking certainly wouldn't hurt.

I love that I don't have to drive downtown in traffic, drive in a snowstorm, or add commute time to the class so by the time I would get home I'd be exhausted. I love that I can pick up dinner on the way home and eat while attending class from the comfort of my own home, take notes on my laptop while sitting at my kitchen island or on the sofa, and can simply turn off the lights and go to bed as soon as class is over. My dog isn't waiting for me to get home to let him out, and I can feed the pets, get my coffee ready for the next morning and clean up around the kitchen when I'm not taking notes.

Yesterday, my full time job ended at 5pm and I had a class that I was interested in from 5:00-6:00 and another starting at 6:30pm. Since these were teleclasses, I called in from work for the first one, hung up around ten 'til six, drove home (getting dinner on the way), and then called into my 6:30 once I arrived home. Sometimes the free teleclasses are giving you a preview of someone's service that he's promoting and to make you aware of a more robust program that's available for a fee. Overall, I've found value in even the complimentary telecourses, and have always gotten my money's worth out of the paid lessons. Just because these trainings are done virtually, doesn't mean they're wimpy or offer less educational value than the same class being taught in a bricks and mortar setting. In fact, you often need to be more focused and disciplined in the online setting.

As learning has become so much more convenient, I will be keeping my sponge-like brain happy for a long time to come! Happy e-Learning!

30 Days of Thanks - Day 17

2009-11-17T09:21:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful that: I've never had to go to bed hungry.

This morning I grabbed a packet of cream of wheat and some lunch to take to work. As I pulled out of the driveway, I pondered what I would have for dinner and felt a twinge of panic over planning a menu for Thanksgiving. Even in a recession, I am fortunate to always have something in my cupboard. This past weekend, when the snow was falling in Colorado and I didn't want to drive anywhere, I could just reach for some eggs and whip up an omelette, or grab a can of soup for lunch. The things I think of as "nothing special but they'll fill the hole” would be a feast to some, and more food than they've seen in a week to others.

Most Americans actually have access to too much food; the convenience can lead to too much of a good thing and we're dealing with obesity rather than starvation. Most of the people I know don't have to worry about where their next meal is going to come from. Our biggest decisions are "shall we eat out or cook in?" "Shall we bake, fry or grill?" "Do you want dessert with that?" We have choices between home-cooked, microwavable or restaurant food. Thousands of buffets have popped up across America, each one with an entire table totally devoted to desserts. We not only have food, we have seconds and then have the extra luxury of dessert. We have so much access to food that we actually have to exercise restraint in the types of food we go for, trying to select healthy over fatty ... but we have such abundant choices. My goodness, we even have our own "food pyramid" that teaches us how to eat.

Our table scraps would feed a nation. Americans waste an astounding amount of food — an estimated 27 percent of the food available for consumption, according to a government study — and it happens at the supermarket, in restaurants and cafeterias and in our own kitchens. It works out to about a pound of food every day for every American. That sounded like an enormous amount to me until I thought about how I am constantly buying produce that I allow to go bad in the crisper drawer before I get a chance to eat it, and the bananas that have turned brown and last week's Chinese left-overs.

America is not an impoverished country, but even in our abundance, we have people going hungry here as well. As I drove to work, I heard the news reporter say that hunger was on the increase in our country. 15% of all U.S. households struggle to consistently keep food on the table for their family. With the exception of a very brief time in my early 20's when I was living off of popcorn, I really haven't had to experience hunger. I'm so blessed!

So, here I am, complaining that I need to lose weight and feeling a little anxious about starting to think about Thanksgiving preparations, and I'm humbled and reminded that I have a good life. If I need to lose weight, it's because I've partaken in the abundance of food choices that I have available to me. I have both access to food, as well as choices about health, nutrients and balance available to me. And to wonder what exactly we should do for Thanksgiving is a good 'problem' to have.

Ways to help national and world hunger: please visit the below websites and donate or take action in your local communities.

http://www.worldvision.org/

http://www.unicef.org/whatwedo/index.html

http://www.feedthechildren.org/

http://www.thp.org/home?gclid=CNeTmKy9kp4CFSUsawodGj3how

http://www.feedthehungry.org/

http://www.thehungersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1

http://www.feedthehungryfoundation.com/sitehome/

http://www.mowaa.org/Page.aspx?pid=183

http://feedingamerica.org/default.aspx?show_shov=1/

http://community.ob.org/site/PageServer

30 Days of Thanks - Day 16

2009-11-16T21:58:00.000-08:00

Today (and every day) I'm thankful for:

My daughter, Nikki.

Nikki is incredible. She's beautiful inside and out. She loves photography (like her mom) and animals (like her mom). She wants to make her living working with animals. Whether it be at Sea World training dolphins, or working with Jack Hanna, or becoming herself the female version of Jack Hanna, she has dreams. When she refocuses her energies, she'll eventually go to Moorpark College in California. Moorpark is a teaching zoo. She went to Bush Gardens in TX as a child and swam with the Beluga Whales. I think that helped push her in the direction of really wanting to be in the trenches with animals.

She even likes snakes, thanks in part, to the Jr. High School Slithers class. I would not put baby mice in my freezer to give to the Slithers teacher for just anyone. (Yuck!)

She's also amazing with children. I think that's because children can sense a pure heart. Nikki is patient and loving. We've been through a lot together and individually. She was a big sister for 3 short weeks. She's learned several times that not everyone in this world can be trusted. She's had to grow up fast, despite my trying to capture time in a bottle and keep her little forever. Time sure does go fast, at least when it comes to how quickly our kids grow. Then it can slow way down to an excruciating pace when they leave home.

Nikki is so smart. She taught her mom how to play chess (though I don't remember a thing), and learned how to drive a stick shift, despite her mom not being able to help coach her on a manual. She skis (not her mom) and drives half way across the country to visit a friend. Independent, might be an understatement.

She has a huge heart and exudes compassion. She's my daughter. For the past 24 years, she's largely defined my life. I love being her mom and will always be so proud of her. I pray that she feels the strong foundation of home. And that despite the cold betrayal of some people in this world, she can always count on the unconditional love of her mom. That there's always somewhere she can turn where she doesn't have to doubt, where she knows she's loved, where she can trust. Hurt my daughter and watch momma bear's claws come out. Though she is a young woman, standing on her own two feet, I will always want to protect her. I'm not exaggerating or over-dramatizing when I say that I would lay down my life for her. Of course I would -- she's my daughter.

I'm grateful to be Nikki's mom, and grateful that we'll be spending Thanksgiving together.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 15

2009-11-15T17:39:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for Tea.

As I type this, I'm savoring a cup of Bigelow Constant Comment Green tea, flavored with rind of oranges and sweet spice. Mmmm, "sipalicious".

Today, tea is the most drunk beverage in the world after water, we drink about 15,000 cups every second. As I try to wean myself from diet soda (it's not easy!), I've rediscovered my appreciation for tea. It provides a healing beverage alternative in all kinds of flavors. Tea has a tantalizing flavor and aroma. It can refresh your spirit, soothe your soul, relax both your mind and body, relieve anxiety and calm nerves. Tea can be served hot or over ice and can be warming and satisfying as well as refreshing and invigorating. The blissful effects of tea can help you wind down, relax and meditate.

Health Benefits:

Tea not only tastes great, it has also long been recognized for its healing properties, from the antioxidants in green and white tea to the restorative properties of various herbal blends. Antioxidants are believed to have health benefits including cancer prevention, cholesterol reduction, and protection against stroke and heart attack. Black tea also is rich in manganese and potassium, and it contains some B-vitamins. For people trying to cut their caffeine consumption, switching from coffee to green tea is a very healthy alternative. Scientists have shown a correlation between green tea consumption and reduced cancer risk, weight loss, and improved heart health.
Green tea also possesses a small amount of natural fluoride, an element which strengthens bones. And anyone who has ever had a sore throat can definitely attest to the soothing power of green tea with honey in it.
Red tea (Rooibos) can be used as a treatment for skin ailments, as an immune system booster, a way to slow the aging process, and a remedy for conditions from insomnia to headaches to anxiety. Also, rooibos does not contain oxalic acid, the compound found in some other types of tea that can cause kidney stones.
Benefits of herbal tea depend on the herb being steeped. Camomile, linden flower, and lavender teas are all highly calming and can help with sleep issues, peppermint and ginger teas aid digestion and can stave off nausea, lemon balm tea can help soothe a headache, and raspberry leaf tea is thought to bring on labor in late pregnancy, to offer just a few examples of this versatile and beneficial type of tea.

What I like:
I have a shelf in my cupboard devoted to tea which includes the below. My favorites are...

Celestial Seasonings:

Tuscany Orange Spice (black tea)
Cinnamon Apple Spice (herbal tea)
Tension Tamer (herb tea)
Nutcracker Sweet Holiday Tea (black tea

Begelow:

Green Tea with oranges and sweet spice

Stash:

Licorice Spice (herbal)
Orange Spice (herbal)

Memories:
I also have memories around tea which include ...

When I was pregnant with Nikki, I constantly craved iced tea and beef jerky (LOL!)
The story dad always told about why he didn't like tea.
Mom brought me a teapot and tea leaves as a momento from London (a trip I was supposed to go on but couldn't because of back surgery).
Numerous Red Hat Society tea gatherings with my mom at the Brown Palace Hotel, the Broker in Boulder, Molly Brown House, The Holiday Chalet, The Hucklebery, The House of Windsor and more.
And, my love for tea led to my teapot and teacup collection. I pulled out just a few for this post. Enjoy the pictures!

30 Days of Thanks - Day 14

2009-11-14T22:55:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for:

Online mapping software/applications like Google Maps, MapQuest and Yahoo Maps.

I'd be lost without them! ;o)

30 Days of Thanks - Day 13

2009-11-13T22:30:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for:

- An inspiring blog post
I learned today that my Day #9 post of 30 Days of Thanks (about being thankful to have a home) inspired Debbie Lonergan to also write about being thankful for her home. She mentioned my name and linked to my post in her blog. I'm thankful to know that people are actually reading these (LOL!) and that my writing could actually have the ability to inspire. That really made my day.

- New and old friends
This week has been unexpectedly 'social'. I met a friend from my former church for lunch over the weekend; I reconnected with friends from Starz, two of whom attended the American Humane jewelry fundraiser event on Wednesday. And, on that same night, I met up with 5 Starz friends for drinks. Thursday, I had a VTP reunion call (or as Jennifer coined it, "the VTP Aftercare Program"). Today, two co-workers took me shopping during lunch, which was a first in the 2 1/2 years I've been with American Humane. I was also in touch with a friend that I've known since my U S West days (which goes back quite a ways). And I'll be attending Karen's holiday open house tomorrow, where more Starz friends will be and a neighbor's get-together next weekend. These are very special connections and each has lifted me up this week.

- Jewelry

This week has had a unique jewelry theme. Wednesday was the jewelry event. I refrained from treating myself to a purchase, but today I received a red choker necklace as a 'thank you' from Sarah (the designer) for helping with the event. Also today, my co-worker who makes jewelry left an earring/necklace set on my desk that she custom made for me as a surprise. Keeping with the butterfly theme (see 30 Days of Thanks - Day 8 blog), she made me a gorgeous earring and necklace set that incorporates butterflies. There are three co-workers that make jewelry and two of them took me to Michael's to shop for jewelry making materials today. They think I need a new hobby (translate "distraction"), so I scooped up an arm full of stuff until I realized this is going to be a very expensive hobby, and then put most back. I did get a kit and a few other items to start dabbling and learning the techniques. As prominent a theme as jewelry was this week - it's not really the jewelry that I'm grateful for. Jewelry was the vehicle that led me to some quality connections and conversations (and now I have a new hobby!).

- Grandma Major
My grandma (on mom's side) passed away in 1993, but today, November 13th would have been her birthday. I'm thinking of her and will forever be grateful for the time she was with us.

- Pets
I may repeat this one several times over the 30 days because I'm really, really thankful for my animals. But I'm specifically thinking about them on this day, because last night as I was turning out lights to go to bed, I was looking for Kali (my kitty), and couldn't find her. So I looked in the dog kennel to say goodnight to Stanley, my Sheltie, and guess where Kali was? That's right, both Stan and Kali were snuggling together in the dog crate. It's one of the most heart-warming sites I've seen in a long time. I would have captured it in a picture, but they moved by the time I reached for the camera. I will be watching those two. ;)

- Shatterproof Christmas Tree Ornaments
Speaking of pets...I was convinced that I need to have a Christmas this year, which includes putting up a tree despite having a new kitten. So I found a bunch of pretty shatterproof ornaments tonight that will replace all of the breakables and I'm going for it. I'm looking forward to recruiting my daughter to help me put up the tree when she visits for Thanksgiving.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 12

2009-11-12T22:55:00.000-08:00

Today is the fourth and final day of things I'm thankful for that have something in common, which is that I've complained about each one of them.

Today I'm thankful for Life.

Have you ever thought of life as a struggle? Me? Oh yah. I'm in one of those seasons right now. I've felt the bitter sting of betrayal, the pain of loss, the uncertainty of the future and the emptiness of days stripped of hope. Life can bring tragedies and turning points that make you question your faith, your purpose, who you can trust and even what's 'real.' There have been times when the circumstances were difficult but manageable, and I could see how I grew through those experiences. There is strength in the struggle and the struggles can make you bitter or better. Each lesson helps us grow. But there have also been some debilitating events that were not manageable and I could never figure out any purpose behind them. I did, eventually, watch in amazement as God used those events to bring good things back into my life.

There is so much about life that you can't control. You can't control other people. You can't control the weather, you can't control the economy and so many other things. Was life intended to be something that you controlled? No. It's something to be experienced and enjoyed and learned from. I look at the current season of my life, and while there were things revealed that changed the course of my life and the direction I was going in, I also am aware of new opportunities, friendships and support that were forming and finding their way to me, right when I needed them.

Even through this season, I understand that life is such a precious gift, not to just be endured or survived -- but truly LIVED and lived to it's fullest. We're here to love each other and that involves risk. The best things in life usually aren't safe, they require you to risk hurting, risk being vulnerable. Like the lyrics say, "Life's a dance you learn as you go." We're all learning and finding our way. And when I set aside my fears, busyness, clouded perceptions and limiting feelings, a veil is lifted and I'm reminded how brief and amazing life is. Life itself is so incredible and such a special gift. From each person who is on their own journey, to the flowers in the field and our living, breathing planet. Life is all around us and it must be respected. Step back and see the wonder, keep believing, dancing, connecting, and experiencing all that life has to offer.

Life is a gift. A spectacular, complex gift -given with love- and I intend to embrace it.

There are many people, often teenagers, who can't see past the pain of a current problem to envision a hopeful future and they tragically take their own lives. Tomorrow, Friday, November 13th is "To Write Love On Her Arms” (TWLOHA) day on a global scale. This campaign is a movement to counter self-mutilation, depression and suicide for teens and anyone who has considered harming themselves. People are encouraged to show their solidarity with people struggling with these issues by writing “love” on their arms on Friday.

See: http://www.twloha.com/

30 Days of Thanks - Day 11

2009-11-11T22:32:00.000-08:00

Continuing with the third blessing for which, I've actually complained about...

Today I'm thankful that I have a JOB.

I'm not alone in that I've complained about my job. Salary.com just released its 4th annual survey of employee job satisfaction and it revealed some interesting trends:

Approximately 65% of respondents said they were “somewhat” satisfied, but less than 15% said they were “extremely” satisfied. Meanwhile, employers believe that 30% of their workers are “extremely” satisfied. 65% of employed survey respondents said they are looking around (up more than 17% this year). 60% said they plan to intensify their job search over the next three months despite the economy.

Another survey by Conference Board found that twenty years ago, about 61% of workers were happy with their jobs. In 2005, 52% were satisfied, and in 2006 41% were satisfied. "Somewhat satisfied" is less than happy, so in 2009 65% of employed respondents are less than happy with their jobs.

Of course there are two sides to every coin, and, these days, people just need the coin. Those who are employed are grateful to have a steady income. The unemployment rate in the United States in October of 2009 was 10.2%. That is, 15.7 million people out of work. In today's economy, people with PhDs are being forced to take entry level jobs just to put food on the table. Overly qualified workers doing unskilled work may attribute toward some of the job dissatisfaction statistics. But with that many people competing for too few jobs, it leaves the rest of us feeling grateful for the job we have.

I actually say there are three sides to a coin. What we are grateful for is the steady income, which doesn't necessarily mean we've suddenly found peace with being micro-managed, under-employed, un-appreciated, disrespected, put in a "corporate box" or whatever it was that left us previously feeling dissatisfied. If employers use the recession as an excuse to replace unhappy workers with over-qualified people, they're being very short-sighted. Did you catch the above statistic? 65% of the currently employed are looking for something better. So when the economy improves or the opportunity arises, your experienced worker will leave that lower paying, under-stimulating job as soon as they are able. There are careers and then there are J-O-B-S. For those who are looking toward their future, wanting to do more with their gifts and skills, it seems society would have you feel guilty for not appreciating the job you're in given today's economy. Appreciating that you have an income to pay the bills and realizing that your J-O-B is a means to an end is one thing. But that doesn't mean that if you were already in a job that didn't utilize your skills, didn't allow you to fully contribute or didn't appreciate what you brought to the role that you should suddenly feel guilty for not changing your feelings toward wanting a better match for your abilities and interests. While we should "bloom where we're planted," we should never limit ourselves or stop moving toward our goals.

I'm thankful that I have a job that provides a steady income. At the same time, no job is safe, and the unemployment rate is actually creating a market for what I want to do. More and more "downsized" executives are embracing their entrepreneurial spirits and using their business know-how to start their own companies. They are listening to their inner voice that allows them to dream and are becoming entrepreneurs. These coaches, realtors, bed and breakfast owners, authors, and more are all creating their micro-businesses and launching the life they could only dream of while they were at their J-O-B-S.

While I'm incredibly thankful to be earning a living and bringing in that steady income, there's also nothing wrong with working toward something better. My entrepreneurial spirit is ready to start partnering with my ideal clients to help move their businesses forward. And I'm looking forward to moving away from just a job, to something unlimited, and empowering; a business that utilizes my skills and stokes my passion. Eventually, I'll replace the J-O-B (that I am grateful for) with the business that I am meant to build and be oh so EVEN MORE grateful for. :)

30 Days of Thanks - Day 10

2009-11-10T15:29:00.000-08:00

Today I'm continuing the theme of things that I'm thankful for, yet have actually complained about.

I am thankful that I have a Home.

"What?" you say. "You've complained about having a home? Really?"

Well, not that I have one, no. But I've complained about the home itself. You know, the typical homeownership woes and then some.

I have wanted a different home in a different location for just about as long as I've been in this particular house (13 years) for various reasons. My rationale ranged from the memories attached to the house and the noisy teenage neighbors in the towering walk-out right behind me, to the long list of things wrong with the house, the expense and general upkeep.

My back yard could win a "worst yard" contest. In fact, I'm trying to find such a contest so maybe as the grand prize winner, I would receive landscape design and materials help. In fact, I've had daydreams about an Extreme Home Makeover Back Yard Edition where they bulldoze the noisy teenagers house behind me, thus extending my back yard to the size of a normal lot. (LOL - just kidding). Seriously, it's tiny (described as "low maintenance" by the Ryland sales team). And what's there has become overrun with a type of weed that I believe is called goat weed or puncture vine. It's an evil, evil weed! Man nor beast dare not step barefoot out the back door or upon their first step will have a foot full of these nasty, nasty thorns. I've used weed killer, rakes, yard vacs - they won't go away. My dog and I don't make use of the backyard because it's so horrible.

The house faces north, so the sun doesn't help melt snow. The carpet needs replaced, the kitchen tile needs re-grouted, the roof needs replaced from the June hail storm, I have some drywall work needing done, the driveway is crumbling from rock salt (used to melt snow without the benefit of the sun), several light switches won't stay on, the front porch needs stained, there may be an electrical issue in the office and several other pesky, sometimes expensive "problems". Okay, yes, houses need upkeep. I knew that going in.

But Colorado has already had a couple of below freezing nights and quite a hefty snow storm, before we even reached Halloween this year. Was I complaining about my driveway when I was safe and warm inside my home then?

Emphatically, "No." (Okay, I complained about having to shovel snow just a little, geesh).

A couple of walls may need drywall or paint, but I have walls. My shingles may need replaced, but "thank you, God" that I have a roof over my head. I have shelter from the wind, hail and snow and I have never been without a bed. I have never had to experience the need to sleep in my car or be forced out on the streets completely. I've never had to worry about frostbite or hypothermia when I fall asleep. I've always had a soft pillow to rest my head on instead of a coat or a bag of trash. The only time I've sought shelter in a cardboard box is when I was little and pretended the box was my playhouse.

Halleluiah! I HAVE A HOME! No complaints here.

So many of us are simply a paycheck away from a different reality though. And more and more of the homeless are families with children. Many are veterans. I often look outside on a snowy, frigid night, while I sip on my hot cocoa and cuddle up on the couch, and wonder if everyone in need of shelter was able to make it inside. Thank you, God for my thorny, stupid (I mean precious) back yard. :o)

For more information about homelessness and how to help, please see:
http://www.helpthehomelessdc.org/site/PageServer?pagename=09_partners_landing
http://www.nchv.org/veterans.cfm
http://portal.hud.gov/portal/page/portal/HUD/topics/homelessness

http://www.nationalhomeless.org/want_to_help/index.html

http://www.denverrescuemission.org/

http://www.coloradocoalition.org/

30 Days of Thanks - Day 9

2009-11-09T19:09:00.000-08:00

Unless something notably different happens over the next 4 days to be thankful for, I'll will blog about four separate blessings that all have something in common. These are all things that I've actually complained about, despite each one being a gift.

Today I'm thankful that:

I am able-bodied.

I watched Extreme Home Makeover last night where two family members were confined to wheel chairs. Despite James Terpenning having no use of his legs as the result of being stricken with polio as an infant, he is a decorated athlete with two gold medals from the Paralympics. He's also a father of four and a big brother to Joe, who suffers from Cerebral Palsy. James doesn't use the part of his body that doesn't work as an excuse to not try at all. Quite the opposite ... he went scuba diving during the episode and constantly mentioned being a role model to his kids so as they watched their dad, they would know that they too can do anything they set their minds to. James doesn't allow what he doesn't have to negatively impact what he does have. He is right in there helping to raise his family and he has touched a community of people. James even brought his brother Joe home to live with them.

Yes, I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember, and yes, I have some back and joint issues. I've complained about my body and each challenge that I've allowed to effect my attitude. I've complained about how my body looks and I've complained about how my body feels. Sometimes my body is in pain or uncomfortable, yet I am so fortunate to be able to move my head from left to right and lift my arms. From the simplest movements, to driving a car.

I'm not limited by amputation, blindness, paralysis, deafness or deformity. Yet, I've allowed each body ache to taint my perspective at times and let each annoyance convince me that they will, without a doubt, hinder my abilities. I can walk, hike, run, laugh, communicate, smile, swim, bowl, move furniture, type, pick up a pen and write, mount a horse, mow the lawn, work in my garden, hold a baby, read a book, or hear rushing water or emergency sirens. Depending on the disability or disease, many people can't do some or all of these things.

How dare I complain about this body when it can do so much. My body is functional, is God's creation and deserves my respect. There are people with less physical abilities than I, that intentionally don't acknowledge the "dis" in their abilities. They don't let what they can't do define them or limit what they can do. They find a different way to get things done and are thankful for what they have.

I am thankful for and humbled by their example. And I am thankful for my functioning, able body.

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

Genesis 1:31 And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.

30 Days of Thanks - Day 8

2009-11-08T12:19:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for ...

Learning and tinkering:

- I figured out how to replace my blogger template with this new template page that I like so much more! This look reflects my style more than the cookie-cutter option that I was originally using. If you are reading this feed in Facebook, come see my actual blog at http://here2assist.blogspot.com/.

- I also figured out how to add the "30 Days of Thanks" logo to my blog sidebar. That was a first!

- I also figured out how to fix the date/time stamp tabs on the left that were showing up as "undefined." Yah!

- And...if you scroll to the bottom of my blog, there is a photo stream of pictures from my Flickr page that I figured out how to insert. Whoot!

Special meaning behind simple things:

- I made sure to include a couple of lotus blossom flowers in the Flickr photo stream because of what Stacy Brice once told me . I don't mind sharing that she said, once I trust someone, I open up like a lotus blossom. Those have become the type of words that I can wrap around myself like a warm blanket on a cold night. My quest is for people worthy of my trust. Once they find me, they will have acquired an admirable, solid, caring and loyal partner or friend.

- I also noticed that both of my business logos have butterflies in them. Scenic Sentiments (http://www.scenicsentiments.com/) and Here2Assist (website coming soon!) both incorporate butterflies. I think there's more significance here than I like butterflies. There's a transformation process and struggle in the cocoon before the butterfly emerges, and once that happens, butterflies are free. There's a beauty, gentleness and connectedness about them. There's definitely a strength about them, as they undergo the transformation process from caterpillar to the amazingly graceful winged creature that soon emerges.

In the Christian religion, the metamorphosis a butterfly undergoes is symbolic of the spiritual evolution all Christians go through. In ancient mythology, the butterfly stands for wisdom and everlasting knowledge. And in many other cultures, the butterfly seems to be identified with the human soul. I think the butterfly relates to Scenic Sentiments because it's about nature photography, which is a natural tie-in. As for the butterfly with Here2Assist, I think it subtly portrays that I will help your business go from crawling along to taking flight. :)

30 Days of Thanks - Day 7

2009-11-07T15:01:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for/that:

- Psychotherapy, Stephen's Ministry therapy, "being thankful" therapy, spa therapy, friendship therapy, shopping therapy, Starbucks therapy, chocolate therapy.

- The power of prayer; unlimited, unrestricted access to God.

- I graduated from the AssistU VTP. I recently learned that the final exam is considered to be a Masters level exam, so "Yay me!"

- Friendships made because of the Virtual Training Program. I've met in person and spoke on the phone with people I wouldn't have known otherwise. And many others that, for now, I simply know through our online relationship but hope to meet some day. We're an extended family and I'm grateful for each of you.

- The 1 cent Gyro coupon from Arby's.

- Whiskers on kittens. :)

30 Days of Thanks - Day 6

2009-11-07T13:31:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for/that:

- I made it past Day 5 in my "30 Days of Thanks" blog! (see reference in original Days 1-4 blog post)

- My "off" Fridays, which are now every other Friday. I was off today, and though I was still busy, it was on my schedule.

- Dollar Stores, which I just rediscovered today. I stopped in to look for rubber snakes (suggested by my insurance adjuster and roofer to scare away birds) and ended up leaving with a basket full of stuff for $22.

- This is National Animal Shelter Appreciation Week (Nov. 1-7).

- The "30 Days of Thanks" exercise is teaching me to get in the habit of daily blogging, which is a worthwhile tool and habit for my business. I'm behind a day in posting Day 6, but since I haven't blogged since August, this is a huge improvement!

- Clearance sales (or unexpected bargains on unplanned purchases)! I stopped into Bedroom Expressions to see if they had anything that they were practically giving away that would work as a dresser or TV stand for the guest bedroom. They didn't. But their store is connected to Sofa Mart, so I sauntered on over to look for accessories for my office space. I found orange poppies silk flowers (50% off), a candle (50% off), and artwork that had colors that tied in nicely with my office theme called "Moroccan Magic" (81% off!). The artwork was originally $414 and I got it for $78!!

- I'm not afraid to negotiate a deal. The candle had an original price of $44 and was on a clearance shelf for 30% off. Since I think $30.80 is still way too much to pay for a candle, I asked if I could get it for 50% off and they said "Yes!"

30 Days of Thanks - Day 5

2009-11-05T22:09:00.000-08:00

Though my dad passed away on Valentine's Day, February 14, 2005, I think of him often and I hope he knew that I was and am grateful for him.

I'm thankful that I was able to set aside my nervousness and face my public speaking fears in order to speak at his funeral. I would have always regretted it, if I hadn't stood up to remember him.

Below is the eulogy that I spoke at dad's memorial:

My dad was unconventional and a pack-rat; a home full of gadgets with several to spare will attest to that. He was never “on the fence” about anything, nor without an opinion. What he believed in, he believed strongly and with passion. Sometimes those opinions would draw me into debates, which I could never “win”, but that taught me how to speak my mind.

When he wasn’t voicing his dissatisfaction with the government or telling one of his stories about war, history, or growing up in the depression … he would be telling silly jokes. Just a few weeks ago, he told the corniest joke about a duck walking into a bar and telling the bartender to put the drink on “his bill”. Then he’d laugh his infectious laugh.

Dad was a disciplinarian. I remember he asked one of the boys to mow the lawn one day before day’s end. My brother left all day and got back after dark. That brother was mowing the lawn in the dark. Or when one sibling, who snuck out of their bedroom window at night; he installed a burglar alarm in the window while they were gone, which was set off when they were sneaking back in.

When his eyes were better, he constantly read. He had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and could talk about any subject. He’d learn and then go do what he learned. He’d teach what he learned. He’d throw himself into a hobby or interest 100%. He’s always had an interest in photography. From the old cameras to all the new digital ones … if you were around him… he’d be pointing a camera at you. When I was little, he captured me sitting on the “potty chair”. His photo won a contest, so there I was with my pants around my ankles on the front page of the Arvada Sentinel! The caption read “to protect this young lady’s identity, we won’t reveal her name – but this photo was taken by Arvil Lee Cribbs at 6152 Independence Street."

My dad was sensitive. I had joined a dating service and was telling him about an experience I had with someone who had started emailing me. I told him there were too many things in this person’s childhood, like being bullied, that he hadn’t let go of. Something in dad related to that … he said that person was an intellect. He was sensitive to other’s needs. If he were still driving later in life, he’d still be picking up hitch hikers. Nikki and I went to my parent’s house a few years ago for Thanksgiving. We ran to the store to pick up a few items and were approached by a homeless person wanting money for food. I gave him the couple of dollars I had left in my purse. When we got home, and mentioned how sad it would be not to be with family or have food on Thanksgiving … dad told us to go back and see if he was still there and bring him back. He would be eating Thanksgiving dinner with us. If there were a need, dad would want to fill it. I learned that if you can do a little … you can do a lot. He really had compassion for those less fortunate, inflicted, or just plain down on their luck. He was generous and had a big heart. I think I was the only child in the city of Arvada with my own candy drawer.

Integrity and accountability are two words that keep revealing themselves as I write this. He had a strong work ethic and, in addition to being quite the character … he was a man of character.

There is more than one way to express love. And though I rarely heard dad say the words, he didn’t have to. His resolute and unfailing actions spoke volumes. He was a strong man with a huge heart and giving spirit.

As the shock wears off, I’m discovering a huge hole in my heart. However, I realized yesterday that dad still lives on through me. And when I see my “pack-rat” tendencies come through, or I become long-winded (like now), or I have a strong opinion about something, or I have compassion for another person … I’ll know there’s still a part of dad that lives on.

I didn’t fully realize this until I lost you, dad …but you’re my hero. I love you.

Daughter, Merri

30 Days of Thanks - Days 1-4

2009-11-04T21:36:00.000-08:00

Some other VA and Facebook friends are joining in on the "30 Days of Thanks" mass blogging experience.

I was at first, hesitant to get involved because of this uncertain and changing period in my life. My life's garden is being tilled and cultivated, and right now looks pretty barren. Then I was reminded of 1 Thessalonians 5:18, which says "Be thankful in all circumstances ..." It doesn't say that I have to be thankful FOR some recent events, but I do need to be thankful while IN them. In ALL of them. The good thing about a tilled garden is that it's free of weeds, a fresh start, a new canvass. New seeds will be planted, seeds that I get to select myself. And with the right attitude of gratitude, those seeds will produce fruit. I was concerned that, in my current "poor me" state of mind, that I wouldn't make it past Day 5 when trying to think of things to be thankful for.

That's what focusing on self can do -- make one oblivious to the wonderful things that we take for granted on a daily basis. We can become blind to the beauty of life and what each day offers. That realization, combined with the above bible verse, challenged me to get involved in "30 Days of Thanks." I don't want to be blind to the good things that I've been blessed with, and I do want do step out of my self-absorption long enough to see the seeds bloom, the fruit appear, the blessings be poured out, and use this month of November to see my life with new eyes. Some thankful moments may be quick and simple, while others are deep or complex. But they are all meaningful. Each day brings something new or a memory of something to be thankful for. We should never run out of material that stirs us to say 'thank you'.

To find out more and play along, too, visit the 30 Days of Thanks blog.

Today I am thankful for:

Day 1: The bible
Day 2: Kali kitty showing up in my life at just the right time.
Day 3: Friends/family who are helping pull me through a very difficult time.
Day 4: My daughter, Nikki is coming to visit for Thanksgiving and she started a FT job today. Oh, and this week is Sesame Street's 40th Anniversary!

More tomorrow!

Flexibility or Expandability?

2009-08-22T19:20:00.000-07:00

Which is more important to you and why: flexibility or expandability?

Flexibility because there is freedom, choice, and breathing room in flexibility. Flexibility allows for mistakes which we grow from, a wider range of options and the ability to reassess. It’s unlimited and empowers me to focus on my authentic self and priorities. Once one has the flexibility necessary to move freely within the life you want to create, you can build or expand on it from there.

How about you? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Morrie Schwartz-Lessons from Life

2009-08-22T17:47:00.000-07:00

The following quote is at the beginning of the Relationships chapter of our AssistU materials. To me, it speaks to being your authentic self, which is the only way to be.

"...if you're trying to show off for people at the top, forget it. They will look down at you anyhow. And if you're trying to show off for people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone." ~Morrie Schwartz, quoted by Mitch Albom in, Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man and the Last Great Lesson

Morrie also said:

"...no matter where you live, the biggest defect we human beings have is our shortsightedness. We don't see what we could be. We should be looking at our potential, stretching ourselves into everything we can become."

That to me, speaks to stepping out of our comfort zone and also investing in ourselves with life-long learning.

Here's to keeping an open heart and stretching ourselves to reach our greatest potential.

Ethics - What Are Yours?

2009-08-07T18:58:00.000-07:00

We were asked to write an essay on ethics for class. Since this topic is especially close to my heart, and I want to consistently show my authentic self, I thought I'd share my views here:

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Ethics – what are yours?

Ethics are a set of moral principles, values or standards and are, in large part, what influence others in their decision around doing business with you or engaging in any type of relationship with you at all. Your ethics are a moral compass, defined in part by society, your religion, and beliefs that are formed from diverse backgrounds. But that moral compass is primarily defined from an instinctive sense of knowing “right” from “wrong”. Your morals or standards, like valuing others opinions or operating from a place of integrity, shape how others view you and help them decide whether they can trust you.

Your ethics reveal your view of the world and your place in it. Are you here to take, destroy, cheat, look out for “Number One” or are you here to make a positive difference, serve others and be worthy of another’s trust?

As a business owner, I never want my clients to doubt me or question my integrity. I hope that anyone I encounter, whether they are a friend, family or potential client, will see that my words and actions match up, and as both a fellow human being and business owner, I will treat them fairly and look after their best interests.

I believe the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” best describes my ethics … almost. What I would add is “Do better” or “Do more” for others as you would have them do for or treat you. It’s a concept that goes back to the 1950s or ‘60s, when neighbors socialized with each other rather than pulling their vehicle into this large box we call a garage and spend the rest of each evening in a larger box we call a home. During this time when people didn’t hide in their homes or behind technology, they reached out and helped each other. Neighbors looked after neighbors, cooked meals, mowed the elderly neighbor’s lawn or shoveled snow from their sidewalks (to be helpful, not in looking for something in return). It was also a common standard to leave a park or place to visit in better condition than you found it and return a borrowed item with a full tank of gas, sparkling clean, or whatever it means to have it returned in better condition than when one borrowed it. People showed appreciation for each other and what each had to offer. People showed genuine concern for each other and backed up their words of kindness with action, often anonymously. There’s a place for being acknowledged and being shown appreciation, and a place for quiet action, knowing full well that if anyone notices, they still may not recognize your effort. So I believe one should serve your immediate community without expectation, and I believe that when other’s trust you with something from a borrowed book to their heart, it is our responsibility to take good care of what other’s entrust us with, leaving it in better condition than when it was given to us.

The ethics and standards that show your true character is witnessed by what you do when you think no one is watching. Is your public and private self in alignment with each other? Would your private self steal the hotel room bathrobe if you thought you could get away with it or would your moral compass keep you from even wanting to do something that would be costly to someone else? What if God Himself turned a blind eye to something you were thinking of doing that felt wrong; would you pursue it? My ethics are guided by what some people call a conscience, others call our “wise self” and others would describe as the Holy Spirit convicting me to turn from a dishonest or destructive path. The thought of God’s forgiveness brings comfort, however, I’d rather God smile at me and say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”, than to have to go to Him humbled and hurt and having a light shone on something that I shouldn’t have done in the first place. God is watching, and I so very much want His approval. I don’t want to disappoint Him and he has generously wired me to know when I’m not doing what’s right in His eyes. I have a set standard for how I treat others, including things like not interrupting, being respectful, and being honest and fair that I naturally follow. But when I’m tempted to do something out of anger or spite that goes against my natural instinct, that’s when I remind myself that I’m always being watched. God is watching and if I begin to have thoughts of crossing some moral line that my own character allowed to continue (like slandering a former client whose behavior was unethical), then I have that second checkpoint to help guide me back to what’s right. Besides “The Golden Rule” there’s another cliché that describes my ethics – “Two wrongs don’t make a right”.

I want to speak to you in my voice when explaining my ethics, however, in doing so I think it’s appropriate to include some quotes as they do speak to my beliefs:

- Nothing is politically right which is morally wrong. ~ Abraham Lincoln

- To care for anyone else enough to make their problems one's own, is ever the beginning of one's real ethical development. ~ Felix Adler

- The act of acting morally is behaving as if everything we do matters. ~ Gloria Steinem

- Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. ~ Plato

- The meaning of good and bad, of better and worse, is simply helping or hurting. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

-All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy. ~ Scott Alexander

In closing, we all have our own moral compass. What feels wrong to me may seem perfectly normal to the majority of our society. What ethics isn’t, however, is doing the right thing for the wrong reason. If you’re doing something because someone says you should and you see that most people believe it to be a “good thing”, but you don’t feel in your heart that it is necessary to clean up the messy microwave that your spaghetti exploded in and you are resistant to doing “what’s right”, then you don’t share the same ethical standard as your co-workers. Many people can agree on what it means to be courteous, but personal ethics can be vastly different.

Looking for Value?

2009-08-06T18:57:00.000-07:00

When looking for a Virtual Assistant to partner with, your business will benefit over the long run if you consider the following perspective:

"It's unwise to pay too much, but it's worse to pay too little. When you pay too much, you lose a little money — that is all. When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything, because the thing you bought was incapable of doing the thing it was bought to do. The common law of business balance prohibits paying a little and getting a lot — it can't be done. If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well to add something for the risk you run, and if you do that you will have enough to pay for something better." ~ John Ruskin