31 Days of Clearning: Day 9

Day 9: Making My First Necklace

Today's clearning project did not involve permanently clearing something out, but it was about clearing/cleaning a space and through that, I found some learnings.

Over the weekend I had some friends over for a beading get-together.  Two of the five of us know how to make jewelry and they were helping the three of us that don't.  I had purchased a starter kit a couple of months back and was anxious to use it.  We were together for 5 hours on Sunday and by the time everyone left, I had barely positioned but a few beads on my bead board.  I spent time making fruit salad, opening wine, playing hostess and just enjoying everyone's company.  I spent more time visiting and watching what other master pieces other's were creating and really didn't accomplish much to speak of on my project.

That night, and a little bit on Monday, I repositioned the beads and started seeing some hope of a design.  Since I'm a beginner in this area and bought pretty, shiny things that I was attracted to, I didn't know what to look for and ended up with beads meant for a double strand.  Well, these are the beads I want to use, so a double strand it is.  So now I had beads laid out on a board and then had no idea where to begin in terms of measuring wire, getting the beads strung (especially since it was two rows merging into one), and adding a clasp or anything else one needs to finish a piece of jewelry.  So there sat an unfinished project on my dining room table that I didn't know how to complete.

I really don't like to leave things undone and this was a challenge that I needed to wrap up.  Today, I wanted to clear off the dining room table and put the beads away.  But I can't put something away until it's complete, so armed with a tip from Stacy that I needed to have two strands that both fed through one bead to become a single strand, I took a break from work this afternoon and sat down to finish the necklace.  I wasn't sure how I was supposed to handle a couple of parts, and I didn't know how to put on a clasp or do finishing touches, but I dove in anyway just to see where it would take me.  And ... I finished my first necklace!  Well, almost ... I have beads on two strands but no clasp.  So I have my first almost necklace!  It's complete enough that I felt fine about putting all of the beading materials away.  So my dining room table that looked like this:

Is now back to the way I like it:

I learned or reaffirmed some things through today's clearning project too.  I already know that I like to finish what I start.  It still bothers me that I only blogged for 25 days during "30 Days of Thanks" and still think about going back and writing about things I'm thankful for, for five more days.  I really don't like loose ends and leaving anything incomplete that I've committed to.  I also already knew that I like to figure things out and take pride in doing a good job.  And this exercise reaffirmed that if I don't know how to do something, I'll do what I can to find out and I love learning new things. Also, I'll keep working and do what it takes to finish a project.  What was new for me is that I just dove in, not knowing what the outcome would be.  I'm a planner -- sometimes I think about things when I should be acting on them.  So I learned that I can act even if I don't feel completely prepared or knowledgeable. 

And (other than the wire hanging out at the ends because of no clasps), I'm really happy with the end result.

31 Days of Clearning: Day 8

Day 8:  Coffee Cups

It's amazing how our memories that are attached to objects can lead to an emotional attachment to said object.  Coffee cups are another one of those things that have had a hold on me over the years. When I visited my sister in Nevada over Thanksgiving a couple of years ago and was searching for a coffee cup, there they were ... two coffee cups that I had given her oohhh so many years ago.  I'm in my 40s and I probably gave her these cups when I was in my late teens or early 20s.  I can picture them; one is tall, light in color with a blue unicorn.  The other is short and brown/earth tones with a teddy bear on it. She still had them and my heart melted.  They didn't go with her kitchen decor or other coffee mugs.  But she still had them.  There's only one reason she had them... because I gave them to her.

So, today's clearning project was much more difficult than it may sound -- I let go of some coffee cups.  Over the years I've migrated to a larger and larger coffee cup.  I like a BIG mug.  After I pour myself a cup of coffee and add the milk and sweetener, I like to take it to my office or quiet corner where I read "Our Daily Bread" and enjoy the cup while I get things done.  It takes awhile before I have to go refill the cup.  Some of the small cups that I've been holding onto wouldn't last the trip up the stairs before I'd have to go back and get a refill. So today I decided to get rid of all of the small cups that I never, ever use.  As well as a travel mug that's missing its lid.

Here's what I kept:

Here's what I let go of:

Some of these have an emotional attachment.  I gave this teddy bear mug that reads "This bears my love to you" to my grandpa when I was a teenager.  I got it back when he passed away.  It prompts a memory, but I don't use it.

Oh my gosh... this one hurts.  When Nikki was little (she's 24 now), the school would have a shopping day for kids to buy gifts for the holidays.  I don't know how they did it, but they'd have things there that the kids could afford with only a few dollars.  Nikki bought me this "Mom" cup.  If I were to guess, she gave me this around the 4th grade, so maybe 9 years old.  So I've had this cup for 15 years.  I don't use it, so I'm going to gently and caringly add it to the giveaway pile.  I hope she's okay with that ... it's actually really hard to let go of this cup.

 

And this one... it says "Mary Kay" on the bottom, so maybe I got it with an order.  But from the day that I got it, I told Nikki that the three hearts symbolized me, her and Lindsey -- all connected together.  It had a meaning that I gave it because I think I got it around the time I was grieving Lindsey.  I've always thought it was pretty, and it had a special meaning for me.

This one I believe my sister gave me.  It has Leo, my birth sign and the Leo traits on it.  I've never felt like I'm anything like what they describe the Leo to be (I think I'm more like the Cancer), but my sister gave this to me and I've probably had it for at least 25 years. How coffee mugs became something that we gave each other or that we attached a meaning to, I don't know.  But it's real and it's strong -- because I've held onto these mugs from my sis and my daughter for a long time only because they gave them to me.

    

This one I snatched from the estate sale that we had when my dad passed away.  I don't know why.  I really don't.  I figured it had something to do with my dad if we were selling it in the estate sale and I like Mickey Mouse, so why not?

This is another one that I think my  sister gave me a long, long time ago.  Oh, I would so keep it if it were only BIG. It's adorable!  I love it ... and it's from my sis.  But I'm adding it to the giveaway pile.

My informal dishware pattern is Pfaltzcraft "April" (my formal china pattern is Pfaltzcraft "Aldolphie Classic").  So I have all of these extremely like-new but small coffee cups and saucers that match the pattern.  I don't use them ... so they're outta here.

While most of the items in this cupboard were coffee mugs or coffee related, there are also some phone books.  I almost clearned the phone books but decided it's always good to have one set around just in case the power goes out and I can't go to dexonline.com or yellowpages.com.  I did, however, take out this wooden spacer shelf and I'm getting rid of it. 

Lastly, out with the orange flavoring.  My very first coffee order at Starbucks was the Mocha Valencia which is a chocolate orange latte.  To my chagrin, Starbucks discontinued this fine, fine flavor.  At one point I thought I'd make my home brew taste like the Mocha Valencias -- I never got close.  I'm guessing this bottle is at least 8 years old and it doesn't look like it was even used.  I dumped the syrup and recycled the bottle. 

Okay, if my sister ever ends up reading this blog, I just want to say that our love and memories go beyond a coffee mug.  ;)  And if you are ever doing some clearning of your own, I promise not to feel bad or take it personally if you find yourself adding two mugs to your give away pile that don't match your decor. 

Also, even though they are in the small category, there are two cups that I didn't part with.  This first one Nikki gave me maybe two years ago and the other has a pouch for a tea bag and I just really like it. 

 

31 Days of Clearning: Day 7

Day 7:  My Catch-All Basket

Yesterday was more of an emotional clearning than it was a physical clearning. Emotional clearnings are, quite frankly, exhausting!  So, today will be simple.

I used to have two full catch-all baskets in the kitchen by the phone.  But when I did my pencil drawer clearning project, I took one of those baskets and its two plastic inserts to organize the pencil drawer contents.  What was in the first catch-all basket got dumped into the second. Today I clearned the remaining catch-all basket that was quite the distraction to an otherwise clean kitchen.

Oh no... are those MORE pens?

What I kept:

• A "hook" who's use is a mystery to me. I'm keeping it until I can figure out if I should let it go.
• A battery charger
• 3 charging cords (though a believe one of them is for a phone I no longer use)
• 1 video camera battery
• Blue Tooth accessories
• 3 LR44 button cells
• A timer
• 1 pair of sunglasses
• Glasses case
• Loose change
• Cat nip for my cat's scratching pad
• Black Eyed Susan flower seeds
• A piece of paper with the fortune: "Today will be pleasant, your life will be prosperous."  Since I read the fortune before having four friends over and the day was extremely pleasant, I figured I would hold onto it in hopes that the second part of the fortune is to be just as accurate.  ;)
• A travel size calorie counter
• Paper clips
• A rubber band
• Altoids
• A magnetic bookmark
• A nail file
• All the pens but one.  One of the pens was my dad's, who worked for Coors before retiring.  The pen has the Coors emblem.  Thank goodness, it worked because I probably would have held onto it anyway!

 

Not everything that I kept went back in the basket; some things went up to my office and the loose change went in my purse.  By the way - if you recognize the below hook and know its use, please let me know.  I'd love to put it to use or throw it away.

What I let go of:

• A cell phone carrier.  I bought this as a Valentine's gift for my daughter a few years ago.  She admitted that it wasn't her style or didn't have use for it, so I thought I would use it.  I never have.  That's too bad, too, because I love the look and when you open it, it holds cards/license, has a pocket and a mirror.
• Sunglasses
• Receipts
• 2 pedometers (they weren't accurate or need batteries, I have another from Jenny Craig that works)
• A piece of plastic that I think broke off of a refrigerator shelf
• A wrist heart monitor instructions
• A sensor that used to clip on dog collars and automatically opened the dog door when they were near
• A black rubber thing (photo below: if you have any idea what it's for please let me know)
• 2 bottle stoppers that came from oil diffusers
• A book of travel discount vouchers that aren't valid since we 'woke up' and cancelled the membership that we got roped into.
• A lens cloth
• A catering pamphlet
• A Bed, Bath and Beyond Brita Water filter mail-in rebate that expired 12/31/07.

Whew!  MUCH better.

31 Days of Clearning: Day 6

Day 6: Letting go of Rejection

Yesterday I received notice that not one of my three photograph entries made it into the art show. While this was the first time I've entered anything like this and tried to keep my expectations low, I was still hopeful of getting in.

Maybe it was the way they put the name of each photograph at the top of the letter, with the word "Rejected" next to it that brought on my reaction - but I cried.

• Abundant Waters - Rejected
• At Rest - Rejected
• Tranquility - Rejected

I think it was just one more thing that I was allowing to make me feel inadequate. At a time when I'm looking for some successes, it was a failure. My work not making it into the art show felt like one more failed marriage and one more job loss. I felt that me as a person and my work and my creativity were all being kicked to the curb.

Of course things usually look brighter when a new day dawns, and I was reminded of some things.

• I didn't fail at my marriage. Though I'm far from perfect and do take responsibility for my actions, I didn't fail at marriage and I didn't do the things that left behind smoke and ashes. I failed at choosing the right person to trust with my heart. I loved, I trusted, I reached out, I shared my heart, I communicated my hopes and dreams, I respected his decisions (before I found out all he had been doing) and I supported him through some things that came back to hurt me, my reputation and my finances. I didn't do this to us. I didn't break my commitment to us, I didn't lie, betray, or ignore my vows. One of my character traits is that I'm loyal and I won't betray your trust. Unfortunately, I have a history of attracting those that aren't and do. This time it was like throwing acid on old wounds. The things that were going on without my knowledge over the past few years were actions of a broken person who was already doing or on the path to doing these things before I met him. I happened to meet him along that path which took my life in a different direction. You won't find many that are more supportive, caring or loyal than I am -- if you're worthy of my trust. I didn't do the things that hurt a marriage, what I did was trust. Believe me, I am the queen of quilt -- if something has gone wrong or not worked out, I immediately go to thoughts of myself and what role I played in it. I look at my words, actions, what I did and didn't do. I'm really not one to blame others. I think some personalities pick up on that, so it's easier knowing they're with someone who will doubt themselves rather than take a look at their own responsibility. You know, I just can't do it this time -- I can't find anything that could be considered my own wrong-doing other than I trusted. I chose the person, I loved the person and I committed my heart to the person. That's what I can take complete responsibility for. The ending and the mess that continues isn't due to me being rejected. It has to do with the brokenness of another person, me finally letting go as I won't accept further betrayal in my life, the lessons and growth opportunities, and the moving on for my own healing.

• The job loss was really a blessing in disguise. The loss of income I'm not so fond of, but my skills weren't being utilized in this job and in many ways it was a job where the skilled, creative, knowledgeable Merri couldn't progress and was kept 'small' if you know what I mean. I've shown that I'm capable of so much more and was working toward leaving to focus on my Virtual Assistant business. The job loss was a push toward my goal and an opportunity to look for the other open doors. I take this one less personally, because the work wasn't challenging and the organization let go of 17 people that day. 17 highly skilled, competent, intelligent people; so I was in good company.

• I've never taken photography classes and maybe my art not making it into the show just tells me that I would benefit from further instruction. Also, there are many people who have told me that they enjoy my photographs and I've earned income through some of my earlier pictures through my Scenic Sentiments business. The judges are professional photographers, both who take a lot of nature shots. Some of it is subjective, some of it is skill, some of it is technical. I'm not sure of their reasons but I'm okay with it. I'm busy and getting art matted and framed for a show would have added more 'stuff' to my full life right now. They may have enjoyed the pictures, but maybe I didn't follow directions (I know the size of thumbnail was larger than the limit they set for the files) or maybe I entered them in the wrong category (if there was too much clean up, maybe they should have been entered in the color with special effects category). I do know that others like looking at my photographs and I love taking pictures. That won't change. If I'm serious about have professional judges like my snaps, then maybe I need to get more serious about the craft and take classes. No biggie. Let it go.

So, today I tore up the "Rejection" letter from the art show and let go of much of the hurt that it represented. No, I'm not suddenly healed in terms of the heartbreak from a marriage ending or with sorting through all the trust issues that remain. But I can see things clearly and I continue the process of letting go.

"Rejection is God's Protection."

31 Days of Clearning: Day 5

Day 5:  My Pencil Drawer

I'll let you in on a little secret... I have a pen fetish.  At least you'd think I do judging by the amount of pens (and pencils and highlighters) that I have strewn about the house.  Most people have a pencil cup.  I have a pencil DRAWER in my office and a pencil BUCKET by the phone in the kitchen.  I can barely find my scissors or ruler in a drawer that is overflowing with pens.

I've mentioned my pack-rat tendencies in previous posts and I think much of that came from my dad.  He grew up during the Depression and some of his stories were sad to hear.  His family had very little for a long time.  Maybe that's why, as an adult he had fun ordering and buying the gadgets and stuff that he didn't have growing up.  But most items ultimately became a collection of things; it was very rare that he only had one of something.  He had a drawer full of calculators, a drawer full of watches, a shelf full of wireless digital thermometers, and toward the end of his life he probably had around 10 digital cameras.  I can't afford to have 'collections' like that, and my pack-rat nature probably doesn't run as deep, but I do have difficulty in letting go of some things.  I was surprised that pens could be among those things as I set out to rid the drawer and bucket of dead pens.

I found that I had been holding on to some of the pens because they were representative of different periods of my life and prompted memories.

• A "Land Title" pen that must have been from the closing on my first home, 
• a pen from the Scanticon Hotel which no longer exists (it became the Inverness Hotel & Conference Center probably around 1995),
• two pens from a couple of women's retreats through church,
• pens purchased in gift shops as mementos from trips I took,
• pens with my daughter's name on them
• Taz pens (from when my daughter was much younger and in her "Taz" phase,
• pens from past employers, a couple whose names have changed due to mergers,
• a pen from Loews Ventana Canyon Resort where I went with U S West to a sales and marketing conference in Arizona, and
• a couple of pens inherited from my dad. 

And then there were pens that just looked cute or were fun.

Some pens were from companies I had not heard of or had never done business with, so I was prompted to research who they were (Operation Walk - Denver, CA Inc. - Communicating with Agriculture, ITT Financial, and HPCW Business Writing).  And there were a couple of pens from temporary agencies that helped me get my foot in the door with organizations that I ended up working with for many years.  I was happy to find that they were still in business. 

And then there were the pencils ...since I don't believe I have a pencil sharpener any more, I should have gotten rid of them but they're still in my life.

It was also hard to get rid of the pens that had some weight to them.  They seemed higher quality but they were non-refillable and dead.  So, heavy or not, they went in the pitch pile.

I threw away 153 pens today.  One healing aspect to this exercise is that one of the pens in the pitch pile included my soon-to-be ex-husbands' name and company on it.  No reason to hang on to that.  And, fortunately, all of my dad's pens worked, so I didn't have to make that "to toss or not to toss" decision.

So, here's the end result.  I didn't want to just toss the remaining pens back into the drawer, so I organized it a bit. Ta-Dah!