Friends "Kick Butt"

This year I'm going through a dissolution of marriage, I said good-bye to a dear companion pet who has been a constant in my life since 1993 (only 2 mos. after Lindsey's murder) and I was laid off from my job a week ago today. What could be a dark and lonely season of my life has, in fact, produced some amazing fruit already. The largest blessings that have emerged are friendships.

I had a handful of friends prior to this year, but mostly acquaintances. Admittedly, I didn't invest a lot of time in my existing friendships because I was too exhausted after work, or didn't seem to have room in my schedule outside of work and time with my husband. My husband was my best friend (I thought) and my world largely revolved around him. I knew it wasn't healthy to not have friendships outside of the marriage, but I did have a few friends that I'd meet up with every now and then so I thought that was enough. I felt a pang of awareness that I really should have taken the time to reach out and connect more often. But I was pretty sure my friends knew that I was here, especially when life brought tragedy. I would drop everything to be there for a friend in need, and I knew they would be here for me, like when my dad passed away. There didn't seem to be an urgency to deepen or widen those friendships, because I was at a different stage in my life. I was focused on my marriage, a bit of an introvert, not one to stay up and party all night anymore and loved my time at home ... but I did find myself craving a deeper connection with others. Despite the occasional pang to pursue friendships outside of the marriage, I enjoyed my husband's company so much, that I remained content spending all my free time with him.

Then came the reasons for the pending divorce and there went the world that I built my affection and loyalty around. I finished the AssistU VTP, the final exam and internship. While one area of my life was coming to a painful and surprising end, I moved forward with my hopes, plans and dreams in a completely different area of my life. God's timing is perfect and just in time. While isolation was the last thing I needed at this point, God deepened existing friendships and brought a wave of brand new relationships and resources into my life right when they were (are) needed most. The weekend of our final exam brought news of a serious nature about my daughter. Fast forward to February and I'm at the veterinarian’s office comforting Chance as I said 'good-bye', and then came a job loss six days later. Through this, old friends have reappeared and new friends have shown themselves to be truly present, caring and committed to my well-being. An acquaintance from my old church has consistently walked with me through much of this for several months now, the divorce care coordinators have reached out in a big way, the Sr. VA that I interned with reached out and presented some hopeful ideas for the future, former co-workers have emailed with words of comfort and support, the job continuation workshop has brought an amazing network of people that want to help, I've been offered some business coaching to help me get the best start possible, fellow VTP students have reached out with emails, one VTP classmate sent flowers and today I received a Zena Moon candle with a quote about change by Gilda Radner.

These life changes that have been largely out of my control have brought with them some amazing gifts. These wonderful souls who have swept into my life are friends. People I can trust with my heart, which is so very important right now.

So ...why the title "Friends Kick Butt?" Because the notes that accompanied the flowers and candle seemed to have a theme.

One said, "Things happen for a reason & I think you're getting a kick in the butt to start your new life with a clean slate! Now's the chance to be, do, have & create!! Focus on the excitement of now, choosing your own path."

And the other, "Get out there and kick some a**!"

So, body parts aside, thank you all for your friendship. You've not only made a difficult season bearable, but you've given me joy, laughter and hope. You've sparked my flame and didn't allow it to go dark.

Because of you I'm still holding on.

All Good Plans

Today I was one of 17 people to be laid off from my job at a non-profit agency in Denver. The way it was handled had everyone experiencing psychological torture for several hours, not knowing if we would be one of those to go as they made their way around to each unfortunate person's office.

The anticipation of not knowing was worse than any possible outcome. By the time they made their way to my office, when I saw them coming, I jokingly said, "Oh great, here comes the death squad." And I actually felt a tinge of relief because I wasn't wondering anymore. Either way, those who survived this round of layoffs and those of us whose positions were eliminated, have to face change and have a lot of work and uncertainty ahead of us. As I learn more about the organization's plans for workload and leadership (there are none), the worse it sounds for those still hanging on to their jobs.

Letting go of something is never easy. But sometimes we hold onto something too long, with a false sense of security, a false sense of commitment, until that thing that we think we need for our survival actually becomes toxic and unhealthy. The environment was becoming toxic and unhealthy before the announced layoffs, and it has become even more so for those who are left to figure out their place amongst the chaos.

For some reason, this is to be my year of letting go. My life looks nothing like it did a year ago today. I have survived major tragedies in the past and I will survive this. Not because on my own I'm made of rock, but because through this I'll grow closer to my God who is my rock. And because, even more powerful than the fear and worry, is a feeling of excitement and a sense that I'm being given an opportunity to launch my VA business full time. I don't have to squeeze in work on my website, marketing, interviews and client work on evenings and weekends after feeling drained from my J.O.B. My business and my clients can now have my full attention as I move closer to what I truly *want* to do.

On November 11, 2009 I wrote in a 30 Days of Thanks blog: "While I'm incredibly thankful to be earning a living and bringing in that steady income, there's also nothing wrong with working toward something better. My entrepreneurial spirit is ready to start partnering with my ideal clients to help move their businesses forward. And I'm looking forward to moving away from just a job, to something unlimited, and empowering; a business that utilizes my skills and stokes my passion. Eventually, I'll replace the J-O-B (that I am grateful for) with the business that I am meant to build and be oh so EVEN MORE grateful for."

While I thought at the time that I would transition into my business while keeping my full time income, God has His own perfect timing and I will rest in that. While I am "Here2Assist" my clients, God will be here to assist me. Sounds like a pretty good team.  :)

 

Tomorrow’s plans I do not know,

I only know this minute;

But He will say, “This is the way,

By faith now walk ye in it.” —Ryberg

Write your plans in pencil and let God have the eraser.