30 Days of Thanks - Days 20-23

When I try to take on too much, my body lets me know it. If I ignore my body's promptings, it turns up the heat until it gets my attention and I have no choice other than to stop, pay attention, and reverse course.

We're all busy, so I'm preaching to the choir on that one, I know. And the holiday season just intensifies anything you have going on and can create an imbalance to already very full plates. An unbalanced full plate means what was on that plate can all come crashing down and spilling over as the plate tips. Anxiety, racing heart, head spinning dizziness, a jabbing knot in my back and the inability to take in enough air into my lungs are how my body decided to slap me upside the head this weekend.

"But, body," I chastised, "I'm BUSY. I don't have time to deal with not being able to breathe. Would ya just cooperate here? PLEASE?"

It didn't listen. On top of a full time job, an AssistU internship, a Tuesday evening class, and preparing the house for company over Thanksgiving (I have mini-explosions all over the house where I've started to take down a 55 gal. fish aquarium, am assembling two pieces of furniture and have 20 other partially finished projects strewn about), I also received an order for my Scenic Sentiments nature note cards that I can't fulfill until I set up my computer and restore all the files that I had backed up.

Additionally, in the interest of being totally authentic and transparent, I will share with you that I'm going through a divorce. I guess it's real enough now that I can write about it, at least in generalities. As a Christian, who married for life, I rested in the promise we made to each other in front of God, so I am still in complete and utter shock that I'm in this place right now. The things that were revealed to me in the past few months really have me moving between disbelief and unbelievable pain. It's an emotional roller-coaster and I'm looking forward to when I can get off this ride (I've never liked roller coasters). With the pain of such a life-altering event comes a huge investment of time to go through the legal process as well as the healing process. Last week was a hearing, I've also tried to aid the healing process with counseling, and I’m meeting with a Stephen's minister/friend, and attending a couple of Divorce Care events through church. One Divorce Care email reaffirmed for me how I'm feeling, in that 85% of my energy reserves are all going to the emotional side of life and simply finding a way to cope right now. That leaves very little remaining for physical, mental and spiritual activities. The email used the following analogy to describe the energy distribution imbalance: "You are going round and round. It's like you are running your engine wide open, but you're in neutral and not going anywhere, yet you can't shut the motor off. Eighty-five percent of your energy is being consumed in the whole emotional area. That leaves you 5 percent mental, 5 percent spiritual, and 5 percent physical."

So I had to decide if missing Facebook posts for a few days (there might be a friend in need who will wonder why I didn't comment or support her after all) or getting my 30 Days of Thanks blog written were really worth my health. If a friend needs me, he won't rely on Facebook to get my attention (or will message me directly), and the 30 Days of Thanks isn't meant to be a chore; it's intended to soften the heart and take you to a place of gratitude. It's meant to be joyful and voluntary, not drudgery. So, I won't know what's been going on in the lives of my Facebook friends since last Thursday. I need to be okay with that. And instead of trying to do longer blogs for each day missed of 30 Days of Thanks, I will simply group those days and move on. So here we go.

Today I am thankful for:

Day 20:

• Peppermint Mocha Lattes! Heavenly!

• The gentle prompting from a friend who has been meeting with me almost weekly for the past couple of months to take care of myself first. I was having trouble breathing which made it difficult to carry on a conversation. Her nudge got me to call the doctor. I would still be dealing with the issue that interfered with my breathing if I hadn't made that call on Friday.

• A door prize that I won Friday night at a Pampered Chef party. It's a Fall cookbook, which may give me some ideas for Thanksgiving side dishes.

Day 21:

• Modern medicine. I use prescription drugs sparingly, as I've just never really been a fan. I don't want to build up a resistance to something for the future and I usually don't like how most medications make me feel. There are definitely exceptions to that though, and this weekend I was grateful for an anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant that the doctor prescribed. She thought soft tissue inflammation in an area where I was carrying stress created a knot in my back that made it feel like someone was stabbing me and interfering with my ability to take deep breaths. The meds took care of the pain in the back, which in turn took care of the breathing. I might also add that I've had three wonderful nights of sleep thanks to the muscle relaxant. :)
• My daughter, Nikki called. It was great hearing her voice and making plans for her visit.
• A customer found my Scenic Sentiments website and placed an order for two boxed sets of cards.

Day 22:

• Despite a full plate, the ability to choose 'me time.' This helps me recharge and makes it possible to keep chipping away at that plate. I left the house for 3 hours to see a movie (I saw 2012 because I apparently didn't think I had enough to feel anxious about - LOL! Actually, it was more of a timing thing and the movie didn't bother me; I went more for the special effects).

• A wonderful IT guy who rebuilt my computer.

• Carbonite, which backed up all the files I had on my computer and is restoring them all as I type.

• Pandora online radio. I listened to Christmas music by Amy Grant, Josh Grobin, Trans Siberian Orchestra, Mercy Me and more while I had a productive spurt working on my intern assignments.

Day 23:

• Unlikely friendships. This morning I accepted a Facebook friend request from a gentleman that I sold a camera to in 2005. When my dad passed away on Valentine's Day, 2005, he left behind a collection of digital cameras because he was a huge gadget person and he loved photography. I helped mom by selling dad's collection on eBay and Frank was one of those eBay buyers. We've exchanged emails over the years, mainly around the holidays now -- and our only connection is dad's camera.

• A realization (and acceptance) that answers may never come, but healing will. Even through this difficult season, I’m still managing to accomplish a lot, reach out to friends and stay active socially. I’m taking time for self care and not beating myself up when I have to delay or let go of something. If I’m producing, positively impacting others and embracing life at a time when things are expected to be hard, I will be amazing when I emerge to the other side. The only way out is through.

That’s me in the middle, looking a little run down, but I’ve surrounded myself with people who genuinely care and are keeping their eyes and ears open to look out for my best interests.  :)